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Thursday, April 27, 2017

What Not to Use Instead of Face Cream

What my face looks like...

Last Saturday night, I ran out of my cheap, very economically-pleasing night cream (the night cream for my face... so get your mind out of the gutter).

My other ‘night cream’ is very special and I would NEVER let it run out. If you are wondering what I’m talking about then ask a 50 plus woman what she regards is ‘night cream’ and she will surprise and delight/disgust you all at the same time.

So anyway, I thought I could survive by using my ‘day cream’ in my never-ending struggle against the relentless skirmish between gravity and my face. I can't really go shopping during the week what with my two and a half hour commute to the bush every day.

My super cheap ‘day cream’ has a sunblock in it which probably contains zinc so naturally after two nights of application, I awoke with two pimples the size of my nose on my dial.

In fact I could hardly tell which of the lumps WAS my nose.

There are no pharmacies that sell my extra cheap night cream within a 70 km radius so I was flummoxed as to what to do.

Then I had the amazing recollection, almost a religious revelation, that I had economically-mindedly scraped a free sample of face cream from an ancient Women’s Weekly my mother had passed over to me, in a second-hand, frugal but recycling-type fashion, a few months ago.

I scoured through my handbag like Harold Steptoe sorting through the trash pile and within ten minutes had unearthed my secret treasure.

I must admit after I had snipped the plastic sachet open and scooped out the contents, I was suspicious that it might be a bit off… perhaps it had even ‘separated’ like rancid milk.

It seemed a bit oily, but I persevered and rubbed it into my face with the gusto only a dried out, desperate, stingy crone is able.

After ten minutes of the cream not being absorbed by my dehydrated pores, I thought it might be a good idea to check what I was actually massaging into my face.

I squinted at the sachet through my glasses and discovered that I’d been smothering my face in Moroccan hair oil.

I shall keep you posted as to whether or not I wake up with a glossy, detangled and fuller bodied face.

Surely it can’t look worse than it was.

What would you have used?