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Sunday, May 14, 2017

Gratitudes on Mother's Day

As you are aware, today is Mother’s Day and this morning there was a knock on the door and a young delivery man presented me with a bunch of flowers from my four kids who live up north. This was thrilling as last year all I got was dog shampoo.

But when I transferred the flowers into a vase, I spilled water all over the floor.

“Be careful of the water on the kitchen floor,” I warned Scotto after I’d mopped most of it up.

Literally two minutes later, I barrelled back into the kitchen, completely forgetting about the wet floor, and fell down landing on my right elbow with my head ricocheting violently against the kitchen cupboards.

Scotto came out of the bedroom after hearing the crash and my subsequent moaning.

My elbow had split open and there was a lot of blood on the floor which the Chihuahua and Mini Fox Terrier immediately began to lick up with relish.

Please note, this all occurred before midday and I had not been drinking.

I know what you all think about me and drinking.

Naturally, all three doctor surgeries were closed as well as the ambulance station. We caught the chemist ten minutes before closing time.

“You need stitches,” the pharmacist commented on viewing the cut.

“Can you see the bone?” I asked cautiously.

“No…” she said, avoiding eye contact.

I’m pretty sure she saw bone.

It hurts like a mofo.

We put some butterfly sticky things on it and I’ll get it looked at tomorrow. Maybe I will if the Chihuahua hasn’t developed a blood lust and devoured me in the night, anyway.

The mini-foxie won’t be able to eat me because she had six teeth pulled out on Friday. Thank God for small mercies.

We went to lunch with my mother, father and my son, Hagar. It was quite nice but I kept worrying about brain haemorrhages and septicaemia which spoiled my barramundi and chips a bit. Plus the agonising aching of the elbow and vague headache took a modicum of pleasure away.

Hagar gave me a nice cream jacket as a present but I couldn’t try it on what with the blood pouring out of my elbow.

I sent my daughter, Lulu, a photo of the flowers to say thank you and she exploded in rage when she saw them.

My flowers

I tried to explain to her that they just haven’t opened up yet.

I wasn’t complaining... but she was furious. Apparently the photo of what she thought she was buying looked nothing like the flowers I received.

Anyway, I really hope you all had better day and didn’t fall over or get the wrong flowers, like I did.

We must all be grateful for what we have, mustn’t we.

If life gives you lemons take them back to the shop and ask for a refund.

Whatever doesn’t kill you probably will next time.

Good things come to those who wipe down their kitchen floors properly.
There’s no "I" in team, but there’s an "OW" in elbow.
Okay. I’ll stop now.

Happy Mother’s Day you lucky, lucky people.