Parent Information Night interfered with my customary and coveted *‘Chicken Time’ last week, as I found myself mandated to stay at work until about 8 pm on Tuesday evening.
I was a bit cheesed off. I really love Chicken Time. It’s my favourite part of the day.
*Chicken time is an early evening, leisure time activity where I sit with Scotto and the chickens in the backyard and drink wine. It really has nothing to do with the chickens; they just happen to be there but it sounds more civilised than calling it ‘wine time’.
It was far too late to drive home that night and not desiring to inflict my thundering snores on my buddy teacher, Catherine Mary, so early in the school year, I decided to treat myself and stay the night in a motel room.
It was an exhilarating prospect.
1. No stinky, twitchy dogs in the bed waking me in the morning with their cold nose pressed into the nearest available of my orifices.
2. No one incessantly talking about computers after I arrive home from work, when all I deeply desire is peace and quiet.
3. Clean, crisp sheets with no manky dog hairs clinging to the pillow slips and farty smells emanating from under the covers.
4. Free air conditioning which I could crank down to a below freezing temperature and then shiver myself to sleep under thick blankets.
5. Free control of the telly remote, with no bossy boots around, thus rendering me able to watch whatever took my fancy.
6. An entire bed to myself so I could sleep horizontally if I chose and kick to my heart's content.
It was an exhilarating prospect.
1. No stinky, twitchy dogs in the bed waking me in the morning with their cold nose pressed into the nearest available of my orifices.
2. No one incessantly talking about computers after I arrive home from work, when all I deeply desire is peace and quiet.
3. Clean, crisp sheets with no manky dog hairs clinging to the pillow slips and farty smells emanating from under the covers.
4. Free air conditioning which I could crank down to a below freezing temperature and then shiver myself to sleep under thick blankets.
5. Free control of the telly remote, with no bossy boots around, thus rendering me able to watch whatever took my fancy.
6. An entire bed to myself so I could sleep horizontally if I chose and kick to my heart's content.
The parent evening finally ended and two seconds after checking in to the motel, I unlocked the door, threw myself on the cool bed, and made extravagant snow angels all over the sheets (but with no snow).
I indulged in an extended, hot shower then flopped into the bed in my flannelette pajamas with a glass of cheeky red.
It was grand.
I sort of missed Scotto saying, “Aw, look at you Pinky, you’re all clean and paid for!” which is what he customarily says to me every night after my shower when I'm all pink and sweet-smelling, but I brushed off the sentimentality and began maniacally scrolling on the remote.
I wound up watching My Kitchen Rules because I knew that’s what Scotto would be most likely watching and we’d be needing to discuss it the following evening.
After that there was nothing on the telly so I decided to explore the room.
I indulged in an extended, hot shower then flopped into the bed in my flannelette pajamas with a glass of cheeky red.
It was grand.
I sort of missed Scotto saying, “Aw, look at you Pinky, you’re all clean and paid for!” which is what he customarily says to me every night after my shower when I'm all pink and sweet-smelling, but I brushed off the sentimentality and began maniacally scrolling on the remote.
I wound up watching My Kitchen Rules because I knew that’s what Scotto would be most likely watching and we’d be needing to discuss it the following evening.
After that there was nothing on the telly so I decided to explore the room.
I stared at the picture of the waterfall for a while but it made me feel a bit lonely.
I remembered Scotto and I trekking up and down all the waterfalls in the Scenic Rim last year. We were such good hiking partners...
Then I examined the picture of the horses for a good five minutes.
I felt a sorrowful lump in my throat as I recalled Scotto and I going on a horse riding trail ride a couple of months ago.
I checked out the fridge which was a bit disappointing as it only contained a carton of fake milk.
Scotto never forgets to buy milk when we run low. He never buys fake milk either.
I counted the coat hangers in the cupboard.
We never have any spare hangers at home because Scotto never throws out shirts even if they are thread bare and eighty years old. I sort of missed those mangy old shirts right then.
I wondered how many computers he’d fixed today.
Then I checked out the biscuits in the coffee/tea thing. They were an odd variety which I’d never heard of.
Scotto always buys Kingstons for his late night snack. They’re his favourites. He always gives a few crumbs to the dogs who snuggle, bright-eyed beside me in bed, too.
Sighing wistfully, I stumbled into the bathroom to clean my teeth.
There were no beard bristles, no toothpaste spit stains hardened in the sink, no coils of Scotto's used dental floss. It was horrible.
Then I climbed into my cold, solitary bed containing no warm, breathing, furry bodies pressed against me, stared at the wall and wished for the morning to come very quickly.
I really missed Chicken Time.
