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| Artwork by Pinky Poinker |
1. People are proudly sporting really garish, flashing earrings and necklaces in the shopping centre.
2. I keep finding dozens of tiny pieces of Christmas tree tinsel stuck to the bottom of my feet.
3. The queue is unusually and annoyingly long at Dan Murphy’s.
4. At the shopping centre you see a lot of abnormally dressed up, combed down kids on their way to have a photo taken with Santa.
5. Ads are reappearing on the telly reminding everyone to place their Turducken orders (much to the bitter disappointment and paranoia of Turduckens everywhere).
6. The air conditioner breaks down, the pool filter blows up and some other random but expensive household appliance self-immolates causing unwanted financial loss.
7. The dog has to be taken to the vet because we suspect it ate part of the nativity scene (not baby Jesus). He didn’t but we decide to have his ‘bojangles’ removed as a Christmas present since we’re at the vet anyway.
8. It’s compulsory for every shop assistant to wear red, green or white shirts, mandatory antlers and ask you how your Christmas shopping is going in a blank uninterested monotone.
9. There are at least twelve towels hanging on the pool fence; the toilet seat is always wet when I perch my derriere on it (delivering an unexpected, slithery surprise) and the internal stairs are saturated with chlorinated water providing a sure-fire death trap for Pinky as she carries the laundry up.
10. You can’t turn on the car radio without hearing at least one Michael Buble or Human Nature song.
11. The milk goes off every twenty-four hours due to copious openings and closings of the fridge as teenagers go on rum ball and chocolate reconnaissance missions .
12. I walk in and discover Scotto watching the Mr Bean Christmas Special. AGAIN.
13. If we call out to the dog after we’ve had a few drinks, it runs away and hides cos it knows what’s coming.
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| P#ss off! |
How do you know it's the silly season?
