Today marks the official end of my first year of blogging.
I've published 153 810 words of inane drivel. Not quite "War and Peace" (560 000 odd words) but if I could just improve the writing style and quality, I may have a book!
Therefore, I thought I’d finish the year with a really self-indulgent, stupid post... so if you’re not in the mood for idiocy I’ll hopefully see you tomorrow when I’ll try to be sensible again.
Pinky's Silly Toilet Humour
There are two more weeks left of the school holidays for us teachers.
I'm very bored now that the festive season is over and Scotto’s gone back to work…
Yesterday, while Scotto and I floated around the pool on blow-up beds escaping the vicious Queensland heatwave, the product Anusol (an ointment recommended for itching, burning haemorrhoids) randomly came into my head.
I don’t know why, I didn’t have an itchy bottom… but it just did.
“Anus-ol,” I sounded it out slowly.
“Sounds very like anus-hole. Do you think the manufacturers were having a laugh at the public’s expense?” I mused.
Scotto laughed.
I’m always guaranteed a laugh when I say the word ‘anus’ out loud in front of Scotto.
“Poopen Schtinken’s a funny word for it too,” he giggled.
“Where did you hear that? Did you make it up?” I asked curiously, impressed at such an amusing word.
“It’s from a movie,” he replied. “I can’t remember which one…”
This morning, tired of watching infomercials on the telly, I decided to look up “Poopen Schtinken” on Google just to see what I could find.
“Did you mean Schtinken Poopen?” Mr Google replied.
“Okaaaaay… I’ll try anything once,” I thought.
Schtinken Poopen turned out to be the name of a song by an English band called 'Atlases'.
Weirdos.
But I wanted “Poopen Schtinken”.
Did you mean ‘Poop Chicken’? I was rudely interrogated by that know-it-all browser once again.
No. I didn’t. But I had to check it out anyway. It’s not like I had anything else to do…
Poop Chicken (Urban Dictionary)
Similar to playing "chicken" with an opposing car on a road, "poop chicken" begins when you and someone else walk into a public restroom at the same time, both with the intention to take a poop. You go into your separate stalls and then sit there, waiting for the other to leave so that you can do your business in peace. The first person to just get up and leave without pooping loses the game of poop chicken.
Interesting.
Mr Google then suggested I may have meant to type in “Puten Schinken” which most surprisingly turned out to be this… a style of sausage.
There was no link to any movies and even when I put “Poopen Schtinken” into Google Translator it said that the language detected was in actual fact, English.
So there you go. Scotto made up his own special word for bottom hole and he doesn’t even know it.
I know some people hate any discussion about poop whatsoever, so stop reading now if you’re one of those people.
Hello!
…elloooow
…loooow
…oow…
is there an echo in here?
Over the years our family has come up with many pseudonyms for poop.
First there was “Wombat” which was coined by my father when my little brother apparently neglected to flush something the size of a wombat down the toilet.
“Kookaburra” was a name my own kids used for Number Twos and the reason is explained in this funny post!
“A Flynn’s” was the name used by my girlfriend Nettie and myself, after one of us (not Nettie) had a notable incident in the toilets at a local bar of the same name.
I tend to use the term ‘Poodoople’ these days, as in “I need to go poodoople.”
What’s your family name for it? Come on... you know you have one...
