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Saturday, February 25, 2017

What were you doing this time last year?

Today marks exactly one year since we arrived on the mountain after leaving North Queensland.

So what’s happened in that year? What have we achieved in that time?

1. I haven’t been back to visit my home town, ONCE! (I thought I'd be back after a month.)

2. All the Poinker kids have visited several times and one of them (Hagar) is now living here in our house without paying board which makes me feel all warm and nostalgic.

3. My beloved sister and her family have visited twice which was great because I have missed her a bit.

4. I now have a proper job at a rural school which I love to bits and is the nicest school I've ever taught at.

5. Scotto is running a successful business repairing and building computers.

6. I now own seven hens with five baby chicks on the way.

Yesterday one of the 'hens' crowed, which is unusual for a hen (in case you are reading this and work for the local council and receive a complaint about us keeping a rooster on the premises... which we aren't... it's just a hen that crows).

7. All four dogs and one cat are thriving and getting quite fat and haven't had one paralysis tick between them.

8. I’ve had shingles and am now a bit deaf (but that has positives).

9. I now grow my own herbs which I use in my cooking. 

Oh and...

10. Scotto is now an auxilliary fireman.


You read that right.

My own frickin HUSBAND is a hot FIRIE!

Can you imagine the potential for role play????

“Bring that big old oxygen tank over here, sweet baby.”

“Tell me, is that pole of yours as really, really slippery as it looks?”

“Wow! Now that’s what I call a huge mother of a hose!”

Scotto gets to wear THREE different uniforms!!!

He’s not allowed to bring the most expensive one (which is used in real firefighting) home and I can only IMAGINE why… it probably stains easily or something.

I reckon he should be Mr September in the firemen calendar because that’s my birthday and it would be a nice present.

I shouldn't be so silly and flippant because firefighting is very serious business but...

how do you think he should pose for the calendar?

Saturday, February 18, 2017

Facebook: What the Hell is Going On?

On Thursday night, as I surfed the web in bed, I came across this meme which gave me a laugh so I posted it to my timeline with a comment saying that, although it was a bit mean it was still quite funny.

At least I thought I posted it to my timeline.

The next morning I checked my FB notifications to see how many of my friends had liked it; needy, pathetic creature that I am.

Horror of horrors, it hadn’t gone on my timeline but instead I’d posted the “Nobody Likes You” meme as a comment on a cute puppy dog video a friend had shared.

Can you even begin to imagine how mortified I was?

Naturally, I immediately deleted it and contacted my friend to explain.

Again, I’m sorry Alana House. Also, sorry to Alana’s sister who must think I’m a right bitch.

Alana replied that she thought it was quite strange because she knows how much I love cute puppy dogs.

If someone had posted something like that as a comment to a video I’d shared, I would have immediately unfriended them in a fit of blustering rage.

Is Facebook out to get me? Is it playing tricks on me, attempting to destroy friendships and discredit me as a bitter, vicious, nasty Nigel?

Or was I just utterly exhausted and didn’t pay attention to where I was posting?

I’ve been getting up at 5 every morning, driving two and a half hours to work and back and attempting to create a competent impression at my new school. Maybe it’s going to take this old woman a while to adjust to hard work again.

I’ve discovered there are three different routes I can take to get to work.

I was boring my son, Hagar, to death as I recited details of my back country road research.

“It’s pronounced ‘rowt’, Mum. Not ‘root’,” he admonished.

I didn’t know he was such a prude. “Is a carrot a ‘rowt’ vegetable then?” I retorted.

Anyway, as I said there are three different routes I can take to work...

1. I can career down a treacherously steep mountain, traverse a sinuous, meandering range and usually get stuck behind ‘Cheryl and David: Retirees at Large’ in their rickety campervan.

(Journey: 1 hour, 13 minutes)

2. I can climb up the precipitous mountain road, before travelling back down again along a spiraling, perilous, seven kilometre death trap of a road and usually get stuck behind a laboured water tank which obstinately refuses to pull over and allow the serpentine trail of cars behind it to pass.

(Journey: 1 hour, 13 minutes)

3. I can anxiously propel my car down the mountain via what is known by the locals as “the goat track”. It is so named because only one goat can fit on it at a time and the terrifyingly sheer drop is merely a pleasant view for mountain goats alone, not acrophobic humans whose knuckles turn white when they are forced to reverse along the track when they espy another car hurtling towards them.

(Journey: 1 hour, 13 minutes)

On the up side, I’m making very good friends with the guy at the servo in Beaudesert.

Have you ever accidentally posted something stupid on Facebook?

Monday, February 13, 2017

Hello From the Other Side

Celine saying 'hello'

I have finally broken down the freezing, frigid wall of ice that is education employment in Southern Queensland and have a job for the entire of this year. 

You know what that means, right? 

No more anxiously waiting for phone calls in the morning, scrambling to insert my false teeth to take the call so I don’t lisp ( sort of joking); no more feeling like a pariah in the staff room and no more running from prep to grade one to grade six and then back to grade six and then slipping into grade two, all in one stressful relief teaching day.

In the words of George Costanza, “I’m in baby!”

No matter that it takes me an hour and ten minutes to get to my new school on a back country road with no mobile reception 
( think Wolf Creek). 

No matter that when I am on playground duty, I have to take a golf buggy down to the oval (before the kids run down there at lunch time) to clear away all the snakes and random big red kangaroos spoiling for a rumble with a middle-aged matron (not kidding).

No matter that there are rambunctious bulls threateningly peering at me over the back fence oval. I have an actual job teaching my favourite grade. I’m not complaining!

Plus… I am going to be a Grandma.

I KNOW!!!!

Hodor and Jon Snow (my Pekin chickens) are with child. We excitedly spied a miniature egg in their nest today. I must admit, when we put the lovers back in their coop after ‘free ranging time’ they started viciously pecking at their own flesh and blood so we might have to go all DOCS on them and remove their offspring in line with protective laws and issues… but still. I think I will be a grandma soon unless they eat their own baby.

Tiny Pekin egg at bottom for comparison.

It’s all going swimmingly really.

Sometimes, when things seem like shite, life can suddenly take a dramatic turn for the better so if you are feeling down, just think… at least you don’t have to drive an hour and ten minutes to get to work.

Or do you?

What’s been your longest commute?