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Wednesday, April 10, 2013

Teenagers Behaving Badly Part 10- Pinky's A-Z Guide to Life for Teenagers- (Pinky gets inside a teenager's head).

Pablo the Chihuahua 
A-Alfoil- something you should take off the plate of left over lasagne before you put it in the microwave. It does create some really cool lighting effects but it stuffs up the microwave and then you have to wait for it to be repaired. That’s not cool.

B- Banana- something you peel just before you get in the car with your mother just so you can annoy her because you know she hates bananas.

C- Coke-a-cola- one of the five main food groups, along with Macca’s, KFC, Subway and Noodle Box.

D- Dinner- make sure you ask at least seven times, “When will dinner be ready?” between 6:30 and 7:30pm or your mother will sit on her lazy bum watching The Project instead of cooking for her starving family.

E- Electricity- If God didn’t want us to use it He wouldn’t have invented it. Leave every appliance going full pelt when you leave a room, even if it’s for the entire day.

F- Fridge- If you stand in front of it with the door open for long enough something new and delicious will magically appear. Also, it’s your God given right to take the mince and milk out of the fridge and leave them on the counter so you can squeeze your carton of Vodka Cruisers in to chill.

G- Gathering- the place you tell your mother you are going to on Saturday night where teenagers meet in a group of anywhere between 8 to 300 kids. Any less than 8 kids is a sleepover.

H- Hope -that Mum stays asleep. What you have in your heart as you sneak in after curfew, the door accidently slams behind you, you kick over the dog’s water bowl and Borat the German Shepherd starts barking his head off.

I- Invasion of privacy- what your Mum is doing when she asks, “How was your day/party/night?” Don’t ever tell her. Just shrug in a vague, mildly irritated manner. She’ll back off.

J- Jokes- When your mother is driving you and your friends somewhere and she starts telling these you’d better turn up the radio to full volume, roll your eyes and change the subject or the embarrassment will haunt you for years.

K- Kitchen drawers and cupboards- every single one of these should be left open at all times so it gives the house a lived in look.

L- Loss of short-term memory- something you bank on your mother having when you borrow thirty dollars for phone credit from her. (I just put that one in to remind myself to get the thirty bucks back I lent to Lulu yesterday.)

M- Marijuana- An old fashioned term your mother uses for weed, like when she says,” Why are you wearing a Tshirt with a Marijuana leaf on it, are you looking for trouble buddy?”

N- No- this word is meaningless and any ‘no’ can be turned into an “Oh for God’s sake! Yes! Anything to shut you up!” if you engage in enough persistent nagging.

O- Old- What clothes are after you’ve worn them twice.

P- Pickle- something you should always include in your Macca’s burger because it might be the only vegetable you eat all day.

Q-Quick- What you’d better be in this place when the garlic bread goes on the dinner table.

R-Rump steak- something Mum rarely cooks because she’s a cheapskate so make sure you stay home on those unusual nights.

S- Shampoo and conditioner- something you can pinch from your mother’s bathroom when yours has run out. She won’t realise until she’s dripping wet and blindly groping for it in the shower.

T- Toothpaste- Again never tell Mum when you’ve run out. Just nick some from her bathroom. Make sure you clean your teeth vigorously so that the spittle goes all over the bathroom mirror.

U- Underwear- Leave your manky jocks all over the bedroom floor so the baby Chihuahua can run out in front of visitors with a pair tangled around his neck.

V- Vouchers- When Mum says she just wants vouchers for her birthday she doesn’t mean five vouchers ALL from Dan Murphy’s. She said we made her feel like an old alcoholic.

W- Water Pressure- Always wait until you hear Mum hop in for a shower in the morning. That’s the time you should choose to take your shower next door and take all the hot water. It’s fun to hear her cute little yelp.

X- Xbox- something that used to belong to your big brother that you pawned at Cash Converters (without asking him) for $20 to buy a six pack of Rum and Cola.

Y- Youth- Just because you’re young doesn’t mean you don’t already know everything there is to know about life. Don’t listen to anyone over the age of nineteen. Unless it’s a badly behaved, cool uncle.

Z- Zoo- another name for your bedroom as in when your mother says, “Go and clean up your effing room, it’s an effing zoo.