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Sunday, November 1, 2015

Halloween Wine!

My little sister, Sam.

I went to my sister’s place for a tiny, Halloween drink last night (how much does my sister look like me when wearing a black wig and dressed as a witch, eh?).

I ran into my good friend Sinead there and I asked her (her being a food and beverage manager and all) why all of a sudden, bottles of wine don’t have that disappointing hollow in the bottom anymore.

It’s a punt.

That’s what it’s actually called… it’s not just a silly euphemism I made up.

The punt is quite disappointing in the respect that you think you still have a full glass of wine left in the bottle, when in reality you only have a dribble.

Only serious wine drinkers will appreciate this.

Anyway, Sinead told me that it was there because it was so that waiters could stick their thumbs into the bottom of the bottle so they can pour it without interfering with the temperature of the sacred liquid and also so that Portensio Pretentious can sniff the wine to check it’s ‘not of rotten corkage’.

But since corks have gone by the wayside, the whole business of hollow bottomed wine bottles has become passé.

Then, Sinead performed a fantastic (bitter and twisted hospitality-worker-type) impersonation of bogan wine drinkers swirling the $10 bottle of house wine they’ve ordered, pretending they know all about wine.

She also told me a story about how a very elderly geezer, came into her restaurant accompanied by a deliciously youthful and attractive (but scatter-brained) ingénue.

When Sinead explained to the odd couple that the restaurant was not charging corkage now because, ‘No wine bottles have corks anymore’, the pretty damsel piped up with, “Well, that’s no good! They should charge a screwing fee!”

Sinead said it was all she could do to avoid meaningful eye contact with the old geezer.

The point of this, is that Sinead was feeding me a bunch of codswallop, as usual. The hollow in the bottom of the bottle is there to give the architecture of the glass bottle strength and prevent a build-up of pressure. It’s also there to disperse the sediment, and hinder it from rising up when poured.

Only cheap wine lacks a punt. Like… the stuff I buy.

My other point is this. Don’t ever take what people tell you as being the truth (especially those in the hospitality industry). People make up facts 72% of the time. If you want the real truth go to Yahoo answers and your mind will be blown apart.

My other, other point is this… don’t be a pretentious dick in front of anyone in the hospitality industry because they will be going back and dining off stories about you for years to come.

Question? Do you look like your sibling? Feel free to put photos in the comments.