Pinky's Book Link

Thursday, December 4, 2014

Secret Santa Secrets

Secret Santa Sucks!

Five people asked me why I was at work so early today… five. What? Don’t they have a life? They have to check whether or not Pinky’s Golden Boy is parked in her OCD parking spot every morning?

“It’s just that you usually arrive about three minutes before the bell goes,” Shazza sang out rudely across the staff room.

That’s completely untrue you know. I punctually arrive thirteen minutes before the bell goes. There’s still plenty of time to switch my sunnies to reading glasses, put my lunch in the fridge and harass a few people as I perform my dramatic sweep through the early bird conchies, drinking their cups of tea and staring into Zombieville. 

 It’s not like they’re actually doing any work anyway.

The reason I arrived an unprecendented twenty-four minutes before the bell today was so I could sneak my Secret Santa’s present into her pigeon hole before she arrived. Unfortunately she sprung me hovering around the office ladies annoying them for sticky tape so the entire effort was wasted. 

That sucked.

The environmentally friendly brown paper bag her present was ensconced in was too easily identifiable and the game was up. I hope she liked it.

I don’t think I’ll join in on Secret Santa anymore. It’s way too stressful. I hear everyone else on staff whinging about what they get and I end up being way too extravagant to ensure my S.S. isn’t disappointed.

Then, when I open my S.S, I usually have to do the fake smiley, over exuberant platitude thing in case my S.S. is watching and I’m a terrible actress. I used to be a mediocre actress but the light inexplicably went out on that talent years ago.

Probably the Botox.

Even though S.S. is supposed to cover all festive magnanimity , my dear friend and colleague, O’Reilly, decided we should exchange gifts within our grade four cohort. This means I have to buy three extra presents which really shites me off, bah humbug.

I shouldn’t be mean about O’Reilly because he added a truly awesome card with his gift which he clearly put a great deal of thought into.

Awesome card!

I’m obsessed with saying Ermahgerd! and Bananas!

Shazza, another grade four colleague, gave me a bottle of Chardonnay. 

Not so much thought, methinks.

“Do you mind if I just give you a bottle of Sav Blanc back?” I asked her this arvo.

“Nup,” she replied.

“Can I use the same bag you gave me?” I asked.

“Yep,” she answered brusquely.

“Can I use the same card and just switch our names?” I ventured.

“Whatever, Pinky,” she sighed.

So I did.

Cheapskate present.

What do you think about gift swapping at work?

PS: I did love my S.S. present this year just in case you're reading.