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Saturday, January 31, 2015

Why Middle-aged Women are like Boy Bands.

I loved boy bands when I was young and I still do. If I had a dollar for every time my father belittled me as I (wearing a tartan scarf) bopped along to the Bay City Rollers whilst manically staring at a poster of Les, Eric, Derek and Alan, I’d be a frickin millionaire. 

Then there were the Backstreet Boys and all those lovely Irish boy bands like Westlife and Boyzone.

Boy bands have been around for decades when you think about it. Even The Temptations were a boy band in the 1960s with their harmonies and synchronised dance moves.

The thing is; they tend to disappear into obscurity after a short time, just like middle-aged women become invisible. 

People bump into us in shopping centres because they don’t notice us, we’re the last to be served at the bar and spiteful, young shop assistants in boutiques ignore us.

But, just like middle-aged women, the boys in boy bands aren’t as cute once they reach a certain age.

Inevitably a boy band’s record sales start to drop; just like a middle-aged woman’s boobs, butt and face.

Boy bands have a particular identifiable style which quickly goes out of fashion, as do middle-aged women who are still wearing the same coloured coral lipstick and hair style they wore twenty years ago.

The managers of boy bands move on to different products and lose interest just as fashion labels do to middle-aged females who can’t wear midriff tops but don’t want to wear floral tents.

Boy bands often become involved in drinking and drugs and lose motivation. Middle-aged women like their bottle of wine with a cheese platter and can’t be arsed getting off the couch any more.

Sure. Middle-aged women can’t usually write songs or play instruments but neither can boy bands.

As soon as a boy band starts marrying off they’re just not as fascinating to the opposite sex…

There is a strange logic to my summation of this paradox.

Middle-aged women should start up bands.

One Infection!

Who wants to join me?

We could be called; The Grey City Rollers, The Cramps, One Infection, Stressedlife, Five Seconds of Glummer, New Kids in a Frock, Not Quite ‘N Sync, 5ifty, Oestrogen 17, Take That A%#ehole… 

any other suggestions guys?

Who was your favourite boy band?