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Monday, March 2, 2015

Different Forms of Torture

When I was a really little girl, but a dot, my kindergarten took us on an excursion to the zoo. We had a zoo in Townsville back then. It consisted of a bedraggled, destitute lion, a mange-ridden, stinky bear, and a few other exotic animals trapped in depressing cages biding their time in the North Queensland heat until they died after ingesting a chocolate milk carton fed to them by an unassuming kinder student (not me I promise).

It was a disgrace our zoo and it was either closed down or the guy running it went broke. I know not.

But my point is not how cruel and horrible zoos are; it’s about how I bet you my last glass of Chardy the Kindergarten teachers back then didn’t have to fill out a Risk Assessment form before we climbed into the un-seat belted bus and went to view a dismal array of moulting and miserable safari animals.

If they had to fill out such a form I reckon they would have said, “Get stuffed. I can’t be bothered with this shit. We’re not going.”

Everything is so complicated now. Everything needs forms. I hate forms. I really hate forms. Stop the bus and let me off.

Forms for performance reviews stand out in my mind as being particularly appalling…

and the subsequent reflection forms.

I think they should have a special form for us to explain why we shouldn't be obligated to have to fill out pointless, airy fairy forms.

Why do you hate forms?
They’re useless and nobody reads them properly anyway. In fact you're probably skimming this right now.
What do you think we should do instead?
Eat a banana.
How do you think your performance rates?
Pretty fudging good considering the amount of futile forms I have to fill out thus wasting my valuable fudging TIME.
What do you think would improve your performance?
Having more time to actually do my work and less time having to fill out needless, inane forms would help.
What do you intend doing about it?
Write a blog post expressing my frustration thus leading to the possible cessation of my employment.
What will you do to evaluate your development?
Look up and memorise as many words on my Thesaurus I can that mean senseless, worthless, stupid, purposeless, aimless and wasteful to write a really colourfully worded evaluation.

Or I might just copy and paste last year’s reflections since no one will read it. I hope.

How do you feel about forms?