When I was a really little girl, but a dot, my kindergarten took us on an excursion to the zoo. We had a zoo in Townsville back then. It consisted of a bedraggled, destitute lion, a mange-ridden, stinky bear, and a few other exotic animals trapped in depressing cages biding their time in the North Queensland heat until they died after ingesting a chocolate milk carton fed to them by an unassuming kinder student (not me I promise).
It was a disgrace our zoo and it was either closed down or the guy running it went broke. I know not.
But my point is not how cruel and horrible zoos are; it’s about how I bet you my last glass of Chardy the Kindergarten teachers back then didn’t have to fill out a Risk Assessment form before we climbed into the un-seat belted bus and went to view a dismal array of moulting and miserable safari animals.
If they had to fill out such a form I reckon they would have said, “Get stuffed. I can’t be bothered with this shit. We’re not going.”
Everything is so complicated now. Everything needs forms. I hate forms. I really hate forms. Stop the bus and let me off.
Forms for performance reviews stand out in my mind as being particularly appalling…
and the subsequent reflection forms.
I think they should have a special form for us to explain why we shouldn't be obligated to have to fill out pointless, airy fairy forms.
Why do you hate forms?
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They’re useless and nobody reads them properly anyway. In fact you're probably skimming this right now.
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What do you think we should do instead?
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Eat a banana.
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How do you think your performance rates?
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Pretty fudging good considering the amount of futile forms I have to
fill out thus wasting my valuable fudging TIME.
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What do you think would improve your performance?
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Having more time to actually do my work and less time having to fill
out needless, inane forms would help.
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What do you intend doing about it?
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Write a blog post expressing my frustration thus leading to the
possible cessation of my employment.
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What will you do to evaluate your development?
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Look up and memorise as many words on my Thesaurus I can that mean
senseless, worthless, stupid, purposeless, aimless and wasteful to write a
really colourfully worded evaluation.
Or I might just copy and paste last year’s reflections since no one will read it. I hope.
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How do you feel about forms?
