Pinky's Book Link

Friday, April 10, 2015

Pinky's Garbage Garage Sale

Pinky's Garbage Garage Sale

We’re having a garage sale tomorrow and my job today is to sort out what I’ll be selling: Scotto’s orders to me before he left for work this morning.

I’ve had all week to do it but I’ve been busy writing the Great Australian Novel and put the unpleasant job on the bottom of the list; the mythical list in my head.

Yesterday, I went for a long lunch with the girls and I should have known it would all go pear-shaped at 2:00pm (after the third bottle of wine) when Kyles informed us she’d run out of cash and needed to go to the ‘Nutella’ machine.

I woke up this morning with a headache, a disgruntled husband and the vague memory of agreeing to travel to Melbourne to watch Kyles row down the Yarra in a competition in November. Somehow, those long lunches invariably end up costing me at least a thousand dollars.

I told the girls not to come to the garage sale because I’ll be selling presents they’ve gifted me over the years and I don’t want their feelings hurt. Unless of course they’d like to buy the presents back, then they’re more than welcome.

You, however, are completely welcome to come along and sift through my treasures. I’ve listed some catalogued items below for your perusal.

An authentic, antique, pine, lacquered “Friends” plaque you could gift to a loyal, loving friend who would never stoop so low as to sell it in a garage sale (which also comes with a complimentary dust-buster). $10

A bottle of genuine, glass, magic marbles which, if planted may grow into a beanstalk or could be used to give to kids over the age of four to play with in the dirt when they complain about being bored. $2 or nearest offer.

A plethora of drama and sporting trophies so, on the rare occasion your kid misses out on a prize or award; you can whip one of these out of the cupboard and instantly dispel the tears. All offers considered.

Everything in this cupboard will go at a paltry $2 per item including the state of the art, foot spa which has only been used once in ten years by Pinky (toenails and DNA thrown in for nix which you could use to make a clone of me or perhaps spread around a crime scene in order to implicate me).

Wondering what to buy your kid's teacher for Christmas?

Teacher gifts no teacher will ever want to give away or sell. $2 (+ 50 cents for sentimental value)

Antique Roadshow would probably be very interested in this heirloom set of Encyclopedias, and what better way to engage your kids than by showing them how Mum and Dad used to settle historical and geographical arguments before Google came along? (Warning: may contain outdated medical advice concerning the application of leeches and health benefits of tobacco) $5 the lot.

Handmade, pottery artefact created by the artistically renowned Pinky Poinker during an Art workshop at university circa. 2000 (note: fine detail of bee on front). $300 or nearest offer, all offers considered.

Assorted books gifted to Scotto from rude, teenage step sons with low-brow sense of humour. $1

A treadmill (which previously displayed killer instincts but has since been exorcised by a priest who threw holy water over it, so it’s good to go.) $500

Hot rollers for those days you didn’t have time to wash your hair and need some poof in your coif (circa 1970). Guaranteed to provide user with Farrah Fawcett look. $5

Cat. Very old. Bites.  (Not suitable for children or haemophiliacs). Eats a lot. Has been seen eating dirt. 
No guarantee provided. No returns. Free (with extra bonus Easter egg included)

See anything you fancy? Don't arrive before 7:00am or I'll be cranky!