Pinky's Book Link

Monday, August 24, 2015

Pinky's Very Exclusive Beauty Secret

Scotto walked into the bathroom last night as I was putting Anusol on my face. “Haven’t you got the wrong end, Pinky?” he asked innocently.

“No,” I replied. “I just put face cream on my bum. I think I know what I’m doing buddy boy.”

He shook his head and went back to watching his Netflix movie.

I read that you can use haemorrhoid cream on broken veins, which I have on my left cheek… (and it’s not from drinking alcohol, okay, it’s from washing my face in hot water or eating chilli or having too many saunas or something). 

Apparently it works the same way as it does on the piles in your bottom. It shrinks the little buggers. But at the other end of my body I seem to have developed a dry, flaky tailbone. What’s that about? Can anyone tell me? At first I thought it was a bed sore from lying around too much. My tail bone is actually peeling so I rubbed some of my inexpensive but ultra-rich eye cream into it. I’ll let you know how it goes.

Speaking of bums, I’ve had the most fantastic idea for my book week costume this year.

This will be my last year at the school after ten long years and I want to go out with a bang. I want those kids sobbing and wailing on the last day because they’ll be missing that rascally old Mrs Poinker. I don’t want them all cheering and whooping when it’s announced I’m leaving. Imagine how mortifying that would be.

So, knowing how much kids love anything to do with bums and poo, I’m going as “The Day My Bum Went Psycho.”

When I was cleaning out cupboards on the weekend I found a large and anatomically correct bottom which 22 year old son Hagar bought for a costume party one year.

Sneak preview!

Scotto fashioned a poo for me to hang around my neck.

Realistic Poo!
*I did ask Kaz, Shazzy, Lee-lee and Kyles if they wanted to dress up as poos and we could do the group thing but they're very unadventurous and boring so they declined.

The only problem is, the bum is just a tiny bit too realistic. I’m going to have to shove some blu-tac in a certain area and put a fig leaf over it or something.

But can you just imagine it? Those kids are going to go ballistic!

Would you like to see the photos after the event?
Got any beauty secrets?

Linking up with Jess from Essentially Jess for #IBOT