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Wednesday, September 14, 2016

I'm Occasionally Highly Visible

I sent an official resignation letter to my old school yesterday advising them I will NEVER be returning. That means I’m stuck here on the Gold Coast, with no job, no family (except parents) and no people that know about my shady, nefarious past.

That’s one thing I suppose.

So it looks like it’s a relief teacher’s career for me from now on.

Woo hoo.

Today, I had Prep, Grade 1, Grade 2, Grade 3 and Grade 4 for an hour each.

It was a bloody long day.

It was all going splendidly until I slithered into Grade 1 and accidentally instructed the kids to glue a particular worksheet into their scrap books. By the manner in which the stressed out teacher entered the classroom in a highly anxious state, after the hour was over, I realised my instructions had actually been, “Under no circumstances let those brats glue the worksheet into their scrapbooks!” instead of what I’d misheard it as, “Ask those brats to stick the worksheet into their scrapbooks with full gluey adhesive, non-removable Selley’s Aruldite.”

The teacher was not happy.

I then had to borrow her ‘high visibility’ jacket to do a handball-swerving, playground duty and managed to spill cranberry sauce from my turkey/salad/cranberry wrap all over said jacket.

Oh well, orange is the new black, so I’ve heard.

I tried to wash it out under the water bubbler but by the time I handed it back to her it was a soggy, disgusting mess and looked like someone had had their period all over it.

I’m guessing she won’t be requesting me back into her classroom even though she was very nice about the whole thing.

I wish I could listen to instructions more closely. In my defence, I did ask the kids at least five times whether or not they were supposed to glue the worksheet in and quite a few responsible looking ones said, ‘YES! Mrs. Poinker,' which at the time, I took to be an honest and reliable answer.

Little liars. They probably just wanted me to get into trouble.

You just can’t trust Grade Ones.