In Pursuit of Thinness

Twin Falls Springbrook Mountain

I read a meme the other day about how someone’s greatest fear when they were growing up was a fear of quicksand and yet since they’ve now grown up to the age of 50, they’ve never once in their lives encountered actual quicksand.

As a child, I was afraid of quicksand too after reading Victoria Holt novels in the 70s (and also as a result of watching Gilligan’s Island) but I’ve never encountered quicksand in real life, thankfully to God.

I think if I ever sink in quicksand I’ll try to float. If I get the chance, that is, before the undercurrent sucks me under. Luckily there isn’t much quicksand on the mountain where I live. There might be for all I know but it would be unusual considering we are quite a long way from the sea and any sand at all. We might have quick ‘soil’… but if it exists, I’ve certainly never heard of it.

Scotto and I have been on a fitness binge and have been doing an uphill rainforest circuit walk every other day. I spend the entire 30 minutes of the downhill trip staring at the ground in a wary hunt for Eastern Brown snakes and the remaining 30 uphill minutes, puffing and wheezing up the steps and slopes, checking my pulse and clutching the asthma puffer in my pocket, not caring a bit about snakes at all and mainly thinking about my heart, angina and possible strokes.

After about nine bouts of the Witch’s Falls circuit, we decided today to tackle the indomitable Twin Falls hike on Springbrook Mountain. It was four fudging kilometres. We were going to need an ambulance to meet us at the end.

I’m happy to say we did make it through the trek (despite two particularly vicious leeches which attempted to suck the strength from us) but because of my fear of snakes and strong desire to recklessly spend money I don’t have, I suggested to Scotto that we pop into the local outdoor activity outlet and buy some outrageously expensive hiking boots.

So in order to replenish our iron levels after the before-mentioned leech initiated blood loss, we enjoyed a hearty lunch at the Mudgeeraba Hotel (including wine), and we then decided to descend on the Kathmandu Extreme Level Sporting Shop at the Robina Town Centre.

I had to apologise to the girl who was attending us because of my blood stained socks (what with the leeches and all) but she waved me off with a laugh and was very happy about the two pairs of very exorbitantly expensive boots she was about to get commission on.

My boots make me think I could walk through the Kokoda Track like I was walking on to a yacht with my hat strategically tipped below my eye with a scarf that was apricot.

They are fudging excellent. Snake-proof too.

We’re thinking about Everest next, or perhaps Machu Picchu.

At least we'll look good.

So tell me, what silly things have you bought in the pursuit of thinness?

P.S. Scotto just got up me because I didn't credit him for the photos. Yep. He took 'em.