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Sunday, March 16, 2014

Pinky the Clairvoyant’s Electrifying Reading Just for You!

Have you ever seen those clairvoyants on the telly preying on the grief and desperation of the recently bereaved? 

 I reckon I could do what they do hanging upside down with a large carrot stuffed in my gob.

How about I do a reading for you using my ‘spirit guides’ and please let me know how good I am…

I have three people coming through to me right now. I feel one of these people is a lady who passed away. Do you know the lady I may be talking about? Her name starts with a vowel, it could be an A?
No? Then it must be one of the others.
Am I right? 
Another letter? I thought so. Who is it?
Ah… your Grandma!
So, she’s holding something up to show me.
Is it an earring? No?
A necklace… some piece of jewellery… it’s round… could it be a tennis ball? Yes it definitely looks like a tennis ball.
Ah! So Grandma played tennis. No?
Did she ever watch tennis on the telly? 
Was there ever a tennis ball or any type of ball in the same room as your Grandma? 
Yes? Great! It’s definitely Grandma then.
She’s giving me a message for a friend of yours. The friend’s name starts with a T. No?
An S or an M? 
Middle name? 
Maybe a P?

Peter! You have a friend called Peter. Great!

Okay, she has a message for Peter. The message has something to do with the house he lives in and how he can save money. 

I see the number of the house has a 6 in it… or a 9. Six and nine can be turned upside down you see. 
What about 3? Six and nine are multiples of three. 
It’s definitely an odd number… or an even? 
Yes? Great!

She’s holding up a letter… an electricity bill. She says to tell Peter to pay it during the discount period and he’ll save some money…

How’d I go? Pretty accurate?

Well… we certainly didn’t need a clairvoyant to tell us our electricity bills were going to skyrocket this quarter. The Poinker’s bill came in alarmingly close to $1300 and we’re seriously thinking of going Amish.

This was despite switching to low tariff, changing all the light bulbs to LED, using remote control power point switcher off-er-ers , purchasing a new energy efficient fridge and applying rigid, Stalinesque guidelines regarding the teenagers’ use of air-conditioning during the day.

            Padlock on the power box preventing banned Air Con being turned back on by                                               rebellious teens who don't pay board.

We know what the culprit is. It’s the bloody pool filter. I’ve a good mind to fill the pool with cement and build a green house on the top of it. Or empty it and transform it into a windowless, very hot granny flat for when the Mother-in-Law comes to visit (jokes Joan!).

I know… first world problems; but enough is enough. 

When is North Queensland going to get alternative electricity suppliers to Ergon? South-East Queensland has them as well as the other metropolitan areas… why not us?

How shocking (pun) was your electricity bill? What strategies do you use to save electricity we haven’t thought of? 

*And please don’t suggest ‘better birth control’ because the horse has well and truly bolted on that one.