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Sunday, January 11, 2015

A Back to School Checklist for the Primary School Teacher

Annoying Classroom Toys
More Annoying Classroom Toys

It’s one more week before we Queensland teachers go back for planning and professional development meetings and two more weeks before we’re sent to the front line of rug rat warfare. Gahhh!

The kids will arrive with their carefully packed brown paper bags full of their new writing utensils and books, but what about us teachers? We don’t have an official back to school list so I thought I’d compile one.

1. Sanitising Gel for when you spot little Darius with his hand buried and vigorously scratching down the back of his pants just before he walks up and high fives you good morning.

2. A strong pair of scissors to cut every rubber/eraser you hand out in half; this will ensure the class supply lasts at least until the end of second term.

3. A set of tongue twisters you can run through religiously every morning before the kids come in so you don’t become tongue tied on names like; Kimeeka, Tameeka, Talitha, Shameeka, Shaquila, Shakeera, Brandon, Brendon, Braithan, Brayden, Jayden, Hayden and Jordan.

4. A large set of cards with answers to questions and statements you’ll hear 90 million times a day. It will save your voice in the long run and I guarantee you’ll use them over and over..

Some suggested response cards.

“No. Your best friend just went to the toilet. Wait until she comes back then you can go.”

“I’m twenty-one.”

“What letter did the swear word he said to you start with?”

“An ‘S’? Whisper it in my ear then.”

“That’s not really a swear word.”

“No, you can’t bring your Bandog for Show and Tell unless it’s only six weeks old.”

“No, the tuckshop won’t accept all that coinage your Nana brought back from her holiday to Fiji and gave you for Show and Tell.”

“If you keep making your Connector Textas into a gun I’ll put them in my drawer.”

“I warned you.” *

“I’m putting them in my drawer. You can have them back at the end of term.”

“If you keep using your pocket calculator to do your Maths I’ll take it off you.”

“I warned you” *

“I don’t care if your mother bought it for you.”

“I’ve told you before. You can’t save to your USB stick if it’s not plugged into the computer.”

“I said you can play Maths games on the computer, not Minecraft.”

“Thank you. It’s a beautiful drawing of me in a rainbow. I’ll put it on my fridge at home.”

“No. I don’t watch Big Brother and neither should you be.”

“No I didn’t go to watch Crusty Demons on the weekend. Was it fun?”

“You don’t need to go to sick bay. I saw you spinning around on that roundabout at lunch time. You’re just dizzy.”

“Why didn’t you tell me you felt like vomiting?”

“Your arm/tooth/eye/finger hurts when you touch it? Stop touching it.”

* Your most frequently used card so laminate it.

5. A set mousetrap you can keep in your top drawer for anyone who tries to illegally retrieve their connector textas/pocket computer/collector cards/toys.

Bloody Collector Cards
Connector Pens: Gahhhh!

More teacher posts to remind you what you've been missing:

Are you looking forward to the kids going back to school?