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Saturday, January 24, 2015

How do you know you live in Straya?

Croc Territory!

Apparently there’s a four metre saltwater crocodile sunning itself on the river bank and intimidating fishermen a mere 400 metres from my house.

We saw it on the news on the telly last night.

“Four metres is a pretty big mofo,” I commented to Scotto. “It would gobble Pablo the Chihuahua up in one gulp.”

“Hell, yeah,” he replied. “That’s about the length of this room.”

“Don’t be ridiculous,” I snorted. “This room is more than four metres long.”

“No, it’s not,” he said. “I measured it the other day.”

“I bet you it is,” I sniffed. “If I had a tape measure I’d prove it.”

He jumped up and leaped up the stairs two at a time to get the tape measure while I did a panicked recalculation. I hate to be proven wrong.

The room, by my reviewed estimate, was five metres.

Close, but not the same, I thought triumphantly.

Scotto came back down after perusing his measurements looking a bit sheepish.

“The width of this room is four metres, not the length,” he admitted in defeat.

“Well, that’s an entirely different story then. If the croc is only the width of this room it must be a bloody baby; hardly out of its egg really,” I crowed. “It’s barely a lizard. I’ve seen bigger geckos than that.”

“No, you haven’t,” scoffed Scotto.

“I have so!” I squealed. “In fact,there’s one standing right behind you!”

“That’s the oldest and stupidest joke I’ve ever heard you tell,” he said, frantically glancing over his shoulder.

We went down to the river to check out this so called ‘man-eater’ today... but he didn’t show up.

Naturally, some eejits decided to ignore the signs and risked being devoured by a giant gecko. There’re always a few dickheads who just have to flout the rules aren't there?

Some people can't be told.

That’s how I know I live in Australia.

Any dangerous wild life where you live?

Happy Australia Day everyone!