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Wednesday, November 11, 2015

Barking Crazy

My dogs have been particularly naughty since Scotto went away. I think they’re feeling extra protective of me because they seem to be barking at everything that moves. Either that or they’ve realised the true master of the house has absconded from the nut house and now the inmates are free to run wild.

I was compelled to go and buy yet another citronella barking collar (for the Chihuahua this time). I felt a rush of excitement and anticipation when I was buying it at the pet shop and couldn’t help giggling when I told the girl behind the counter, “This is going to give that little bastard a shock. I’ll show that Mexican son of a biartch.”

“Would you like to buy some calming vitamins for him?” she asked.

“Sure!” I replied, riding high on the euphoric thought that I’d solved my problem. “Anything’s worth a try.”

It was with great disappointment when I later watched Pablo enjoying a raucous and unnecessarily lengthy, barking binge, the citronella spray almost obscuring his small, muscular body, but the said spray having absolutely no effect on the tenacity of his riotous efforts.

Adding to my consternation, all the ‘calming’ vitamins managed to do was make the Chihuahua and the German Shepherd sick up. It was quite horrible.

I put a sheet up on the fence to stop the German Shepherd from seeing movement outside (a leaf blowing in the wind can trigger his incessant woofing) and I barricaded all the windows to prevent the Chihuahua from seeing the German Shepherd.

Unfortunately it appears that dogs have a good sense of hearing and can’t really see that well anyway.

Does anyone know if they make ear plugs for dogs?

In desperation I searched the Internet for a miracle solution… or just some doggy earplugs really.

I found a video which demonstrated a method of doggy ear massage and a five hour music video especially designed to calm dogs down. What kind of nit wit put that on the World Wide Web? What kind of nit wit would play it to their dog?

Anyway, the Chihuahua hated the ear massage and the music almost sent me mental and elicited no visible response from the dogs.

Apparently you should never yell at your dog for barking because they think you’re barking along with them. So all the time I’ve been screaming, “Shut the fudge up you fudging stupid animals!” They think I’ve been yelling out, “Get off the stinking lawn you mongrel Labrador, how dare you walk past my house! I want to bite you with my teeth!”

Another website advised to calmly call the dog over when it’s barking, make it sit quietly and give it a treat. (I’ve been using this technique as I’m writing my post and so far the Chihuahua has had thirty-eight treats. I don’t think he gets it.)

So… back to the ear plugs. You won’t believe it but you can actually buy Mutt Muffs from the United States! According to the website they have ‘ inner sound-deadening foam with the same density found in pilots' high-end headsets’.

And they come in pink.

I’m going to order a dozen.

And I’m going to be the one wearing them.

Any suggestions to stop barking, apart from euthanasia? (Don’t worry I’ve thought about it.)

P.S. I just found out why the dogs have been barking for the last half hour non stop. Someone had been knocking on the door attempting to deliver some flowers Scotto had ordered for me in the top photo. Lol.