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When Hagar, (now twenty years old and built like an Australasian Yeti) was a little boy he was too frightened to sleep on his own so would bed down on a mattress in my bedroom.
He gradually eased into sharing a room with his younger brother, Padraic. When he reached about twelve he moved into his own room but I recall, one rare day when I was vacuuming, fishing out a large knife from under his bed.
He’d clearly placed it there as a preventative measure in the event of an attack by a random, maniacal intruder. I removed the shining and frighteningly steely blade but noticed during another (uncommon) spring cleaning marathon it had been replaced with a cricket bat.
I don’t know what he was afraid of but I’m assuming his obsession with Orks (Lord of the Rings) may have played a small part.
Padraic (nineteen years old) who took over Hagar’s old bedroom, has recently moved over to his father’s house on the other side of town because it’s closer to his work place, leaving his significantly large, capacious bedroom up for grabs.
I suggested Hagar might like to move back into said sleeping quarters as it boasts an abundance of room for his girlfriend, Meggle’s clothes… what with the walk-in wardrobe and all.
Strangely, Hagar resisted my helpful submission, even though Meggles seemed more than keen on the idea.
His flimsy excuses regarding the inadequate air conditioning in the room rang hollow to me.
‘Why?’ I thought. ‘Why would he pass up the opportunity?’
Last night, when Scotto and I arrived home, all the bedroom doors upstairs were shamelessly opened up to the world with mattresses spilling out, sheets spread over the carpet and the hall in a state of disarray.
Seventeen year old Lulu, was on the move.
Having been at the very bottom of the pecking order it was finally her turn. Lulu was to be Queen of Poinker Manor, lodged in the second biggest bedroom in the house; the largest of course belonging to High Priestess Pinky.
But was there a disturbing cost to this rise in boudoir status?
What price would Lulu pay each night as she slumbered in her sizeable but menacing bedchamber?
Padraic, my nineteen year old, may have held the cryptic secret to Hagar’s reticence in embracing the upgrade in living conditions.
Any time I’d enter his room I’d discover his bed rammed up against the wardrobe door.
“Why do you keep moving your bed there, Padraic?” I’d snap in annoyance. “I have to move it back every time I need to put your washing away!”
He’d shrug evasively and grunt into space.
But each time I’d go in, the bed would be back firmly wedged against the door.
I suspected foul play of the natural kind. Was he hiding something? A bong or some other prohibited illicit utensil perhaps?
It wasn’t until this morning that the true motivation behind my big boys’ reluctance to occupy the room was revealed and it was far, far from natural.
Inside the spacious wardrobe, beyond the expansive shelving, past the spider webs and gecko poo, in the corner of the ceiling… was a manhole.
Padraic, my nineteen year old, may have held the cryptic secret to Hagar’s reticence in embracing the upgrade in living conditions.
Any time I’d enter his room I’d discover his bed rammed up against the wardrobe door.
“Why do you keep moving your bed there, Padraic?” I’d snap in annoyance. “I have to move it back every time I need to put your washing away!”
He’d shrug evasively and grunt into space.
But each time I’d go in, the bed would be back firmly wedged against the door.
I suspected foul play of the natural kind. Was he hiding something? A bong or some other prohibited illicit utensil perhaps?
It wasn’t until this morning that the true motivation behind my big boys’ reluctance to occupy the room was revealed and it was far, far from natural.
Inside the spacious wardrobe, beyond the expansive shelving, past the spider webs and gecko poo, in the corner of the ceiling… was a manhole.
A dark manhole leading into the malevolently cavernous roof of our house where vile creatures scuttle in the dead of night and scrabbling entities manifest themselves after lights out.
A presence exists which could slither down into the wardrobe and smother you as you innocently sleep in your bed.
That’s why you have to keep a knife under your bed… or a cricket bat.
It was the Bogeyman!
Lulu, my brave princess has thrown the gauntlet to the ground. Heroically, she will face the demons and unlike her scaredy-cat brothers will defy the creeping fear of the sinister man who lives in the cupboard.
It is truly astounding what things a courageous girl will do for a walk-in robe.
Lulu with her Direwolf protecting her!
That’s why you have to keep a knife under your bed… or a cricket bat.
It was the Bogeyman!
Lulu, my brave princess has thrown the gauntlet to the ground. Heroically, she will face the demons and unlike her scaredy-cat brothers will defy the creeping fear of the sinister man who lives in the cupboard.
It is truly astounding what things a courageous girl will do for a walk-in robe.
Lulu with her Direwolf protecting her!
