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Saturday, January 19, 2013

Fifty Shades of Casserole

Pot Cooking!

When the kids were little I was a big fan of “pot” cooking. 

The kind of dinner I could leave simmering in a pot on the stove for a couple of hours while I watched Deal or No Deal and the news and drink chardonnay from the cardboard mongrel in the fridge. 

As the kids grew into picky teenagers they referred to all of these epicurean offerings as ‘Casserole’.

“What’s for dinner?”

“Beef Stroganoff.”

“Yuk! Mushroom casserole!”

“What’s for dinner?”


“Yuk! Hot casserole!”

“What’s for dinner?”

“Chicken Chasseur.”

“Yuk! Chicken casserole.”

“What’s for dinner?”

“Shepherd’s Pie.”

“Yuk! Mince casserole!”

“What’s for dinner?”

“Chilli con carne.”

“Yuk! Mexican casserole!”

“What’s for dinner?”


“Yuk! Cheese casserole!”

“What’s for dinner?”


“Yuk! Rice casserole!”

Whenever the irritating complainers asked me how long it was until dinner would be served, I always gave the same answer.

“Twenty minutes.”

Even if there was still an hour and a half of cooking time left I would just repeat, 

“Twenty minutes.”

They might ask me three times in the space of an hour and my response would always be,

“Oh, about twenty minutes.”

They never queried or thought rationally about this hollow rejoinder which goes to corroborate my hypothesis that teenagers don’t listen to a word we say.

Reasons I Love My Dog More than I Love My Teenagers.

My dog doesn't say “Calm down Mother” in a patronizing way when I raise my voice a tiny little bit.

My dog doesn't have three twenty- minute showers a day.

My dog never leaves empty packets in the fridge (or packets with one biscuit left).
My dog doesn't waste money by turning its air- con on to a below freezing temperature whilst huddling under a doona.

My dog would never ridicule me when I sing the wrong lyrics to a Ke$ha song on the car radio.

My dog never slams the car door.
My dog doesn't leave twenty, empty toilet rolls on the toilet floor waiting for the magic fairy to pick them up.

My dog doesn't ask me for money thirty-five seconds after its just finished smart-mouthing me.

My dog doesn't wear clothes for ten minutes then throw them in the dirty washing.

My dog LOVES casserole.

I love my dog.