My dog doesn’t leave five empty ice cube trays in the freezer.
I don’t get calls from my dog’s school principal saying we need to talk.
The police have never knocked on the door looking for my dog.
If it could my dog would mow the lawn without being nagged.
My dog would never spit plum seeds into the garbage disposal.
My dog doesn’t get up before me and take my newspaper to work.
My dog doesn’t go through three clean towels a day.
My dog doesn’t inhale a large Big Mac meal an hour before I feed it.
My dog doesn’t block my calls and ignore my texts.
My dog has never been tagged in a Facebook photo doing something illegal.
My dog doesn’t sit texting on a 40 minute car journey and not say one word to me.
My dog doesn’t bitch about me on Facebook.
If I phoned my dog and said I was getting stitches in the Emergency room it wouldn’t say, “So dinner will be late then?”
My dog wouldn’t rubbish me because I thought 360 was a circle.
Note: I read these to Hagar yesterday and his only comment
was "Who spat plum seeds down the garbage disposal?"
The police have never knocked on the door looking for my dog.
If it could my dog would mow the lawn without being nagged.
My dog would never spit plum seeds into the garbage disposal.
My dog doesn’t get up before me and take my newspaper to work.
My dog doesn’t go through three clean towels a day.
My dog doesn’t inhale a large Big Mac meal an hour before I feed it.
My dog doesn’t block my calls and ignore my texts.
My dog has never been tagged in a Facebook photo doing something illegal.
My dog doesn’t sit texting on a 40 minute car journey and not say one word to me.
My dog doesn’t bitch about me on Facebook.
If I phoned my dog and said I was getting stitches in the Emergency room it wouldn’t say, “So dinner will be late then?”
My dog wouldn’t rubbish me because I thought 360 was a circle.
Note: I read these to Hagar yesterday and his only comment
was "Who spat plum seeds down the garbage disposal?"
