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Monday, September 1, 2014

Three Revelations from ProBlogger!

“So what’s your blog about?” asked the professional crew from the Stay at Home Mum blog, last Thursday night at the ProBlogger conference. “A load of rubbish, really,” I muttered in shame. 

They smiled politely. You know… one of those puzzled smiles where you don’t use your eyes. Clearly, I was going to need a better answer if I was to have any credibility over the ensuing weekend.

Husband Scotto and I were staying on the Gold Coast with my parents, so at breakfast before I left on Friday morning I grilled my father who occasionally checks in on Pinky Poinker to see what his grandkids are up to.

“So Dad, what should I say when people ask me what my blog’s about?”

He paused, frowning in inscrutable thought. “Silliness?” he offered unhelpfully.

The truth is I didn’t have a definitive idea of what it’s about. So I gave it some thought and came up with a mission statement:

Pinky Poinker is on a one-woman campaign to stomp out being up yourself; the kind of up yourself that makes you pretend you’re someone you’re not. It pains me to see people living their lives pretending to be perfect. Pinky is here to ‘out’ herself and hopes some people can relate the failures and foibles of a wicked old woman to their own lives and see the ridiculous side of life.

The next revelation to come out of the conference for me was that the bumbling, irritating, inappropriate Pinky I describe on the blog is a lot closer to the truth than I’m entirely comfortable with.

All this time I’ve imagined Pinky, as an exaggeration, a caricature of who I really am, mostly designed for comedic effect. 

Wrong again.

Once out of my protected environment where my friends, family and colleagues suffer my numerous atrocities, I soon learned to see myself through the eyes of strangers.

“So which session are you going to next, Pinky?” asked the lovely, serene Renee from Mummy Wife Me, who I’d only just met at the previous session.

                                 Pinky and Renee

“I thought I might go to the ‘Harnessing Social Media’ lecture,” I chirped. “It might help me get more Facebook followers!”
“Um,” she quietly corrected, “I think it’s actually called ‘Harnessing Social Media for Social Good, Pinky.”

“What? Really?” I scoffed. “Oh? Well I’m not into social good. Not at all. Nah, I won’t go to that one. I’ll go to the ‘Monetising your Blog’ session instead.”

Renee gave me a wan smile and stared after me as I flounced off.

Later, sitting in the money-making session, my words began to float around in the dark recesses of my brain like nasty little bats in a belfry.

I’m not interested in social good. I’m NOT interested in doing anything towards social good.

What the hell was wrong with me? Who am I? George Costanza?

Of course I’m interested in enhancing and promoting social good. What must Renee think of me?

I raced around at lunch looking for her. I badly needed to explain myself.

Just like I’d desperately chased around that day looking for Martine from The Modern Parent to explain why I’d introduced myself to her ten minutes after meeting her the first time the previous night. I was excited you see and acting like one of those horrible people who just don’t pay attention when they’re shaking hands with you. 

Still… I was sure she thought I was either stupid or ill-mannered. I had to verify that it was, indeed, stupidity… and not rudeness.

                                      Eva and Renee

I found Renee talking to Eva from The Multitasking Mummy. She sweetly accepted my rationalisation that my blog would probably bring charitable organisations into disrepute and that was why I said what I said.

I did learn one other very important fact at the conference.

Mrs. Woog smells lovely.

One of my lofty ambitions at the conference was to speak to one of Australia’s most popular and funny bloggers, the famous Mrs. Woog from Woogsworld!.

I had a justification, which in my mind would prevent me looking like just another stalker. I needed to thank her for publishing my guest post on her site a few months ago.

I waited for the exact right moment. A session had only just finished and I spotted her moving up the side aisle towards the door. Now was my chance. If I moved quickly I could block her path. Her bodyguards were nowhere in sight. I took the plunge...

She was so nice. She even hugged me and called me by my name. But all I could say was, “Gawd, you smell nice! What perfume are you wearing?”

She waffled off the name and I think I got it. 

I’m pretty sure I caught it.

Trembling with childish fan frenzy, I sat down again beside my friend Rae from I Opened my Mouth and it Ran Away Without Me. 

                                     Pinky and Rae

She turned her head and commented, “Pinky! You smell gorgeous! What’s that perfume?”

“Mrs. Woog,” I said. “I’m wearing Mrs. Woog.”

Ever had a crazy fan moment?