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Tuesday, March 17, 2015

Do you have Problems with Eructation?

I heard on the radio today most people think a large percentage of posts on social media are pointless and a waste of time.

What? What do they mean? Surely they can’t mean me?

I mean to say, I’ve provided you with lots of useful information over the years haven’t I? Let’s see, there was How to Eat a Banana, How to Make a Banana Costume, How to Make a Volcano, and… and… and… that one about bananas.

It is pretty hopeless I guess.

There are no fantastic fitness tips, cheesecake recipes or lists of useful advice at all. You won’t find any brilliant procedures for turning plastic milk bottles into artistic lamp shades or bread ties into Christmas decorations on this blog. 

The only travel post I’ve written lately was about staying with my dogs at the boarding kennels. I don’t write book reviews and I don’t use inspirational ideas to motivate people.

In fact I may very well ask myself, what the hell do I do?

Well my friend, I have three first-rate gems to share with you today.

Piece of Advice Number One

Have you ever been sitting at a restaurant with friends and been mortified to find you’ve suddenly come down with a loud and belching case of the hiccups even though you haven’t been sneaking extra wine while no one was looking?

You know what I mean… not just the normal lady-like hiccups, but the ones where it sounds like you’re burping every time you hiccup; those hiccups that sound as though you’re about to disgorge something up your oesophagus onto your dinner plate. 

The type of eructions where your companions begin to stare at you in horror and then all start shoving their chairs back, frightened an eel or something much worse is going to slither out of your mouth at any moment. 

All the time your husband just ignores you and continues to tell his funny anecdote about when he was fourteen and fell off his skateboard, even though no one is listening because they’re mesmerised by the woman with a giant cockroach clawing its way up her neck and waiting for the feelers to poke out her pursed mouth.



Must be just me.

Well you're in luck because this works for normal hiccups too.

1. Hold your breath for a slow count of ten.

2. Take ten generous sips of water WHILE you’re still holding your breath.

3. Hold your breath for another slow count of ten. Do not let go of the breath for the entire time.

I GUARANTEE (if you’re not dead) your hiccups will be gone.

If in some bizarre twist you happen to be a freak of nature and it doesn’t work; then do it again. It will definitely work the second time. I promise.

Piece of Advice Number Two.

If you, like me, have trouble taking tablets this is weird but it works. Instead of putting your head right back and trying to swig it down, go against your instinct. Put your chin on your chest and swallow. It forces the back of your throat to open up really wide and the tablet just goes down. You don’t even need to have much water in your mouth.

Advice Number Three.

Read this blog!

I’ve read Alana’s blog for years now and it’s one I absolutely adore. Alana has an honest but humorous style and she really knows her stuff. Unlike Pinky, she posts stunning cake decorating stuff, yummy, easy recipes, celebrity gossip and writes from the heart about all sorts of personal issues.

It’s also her birthday today.

Many happy returns Larney xxx

Any brilliant pieces of advice you'd like to share with me?