Pinky's Book Link

Friday, January 20, 2017

Why you should listen to Mother (or you’ll end up smearing Vaseline on a chicken’s vagina).

My mother came over the other day and complained that I was feeding my chickens too much bread and I rolled my eyes behind her back. Mum is always telling me stuff I'm doing wrong.

But now I suspect she was right.

“You’re killing them with kindness, Pinky!” she admonished.

I ignored her and continued overfeeding the diminutive feathered fiends, but now my most precious chicken is dead.

We buried her this morning. Ygritte. My little ginger Pekin is gone.

Deep grieving sigh.

I don’t know if she was egg-bound (which is why I smeared Vaseline on her vagina) or if the excessive bread I kept dishing out stuck in her craw… but she is dead and I am enveloped in guilt.

I am so enveloped in guilt I am now being extra nice to all the rest of the menagerie in recompense.

Normally, when the Dire Wolf, Borat, the German Shepherd, gets all sooky because there’s a thunderstorm we rouse on him and banish him to the garage... but tonight we brought him in to the lounge and let the hairy brute snuggle on the couch.

His gossamer hair floated all around the place settling in every crevice, but mainly coming to rest in my wine glass.

But I took it all with a stoic, fatalistic, deterministic acceptance.

What’s a bit of hair between friends, eh?

We are all here for such a short time… surely we can put up with a bit of stray hair on the bookcase.

This is my new philosophy on life.

“Don't be afraid to live life with a bit of hair between your teeth”.

Celine, Scotto and Borat the hairy Dire Wolf