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Monday, April 8, 2013

My Kitchen Rules- Pinky tries another reality show!

                                                   Image credit:
Too many cooks spoil the broth! 

I was watching My Kitchen Rules on the idiot box last night and was suddenly struck with a magnificent idea. Why don’t Scotto and I audition for a spot on the show next year? I’d love to star in a reality show! Gosh, I can just imagine it…

(Voiceover) Welcome to My Kitchen Rules where tonight one team is going home.

(Head shot of Scotto and Pinky)

Pinky: ( matter of fact voice) We’ve got 90 minutes to take care of an entrée, main and dessert.

Scotto: (earnest voice)We really want to impress the judges.

Pinky: Yeah… change the judge’s opinion after last time. 

(She continues proudly) So for entrée we have... fish cakes with an olive tapenade, Scotto will be taking care of the main... baked bean and cheese jaffles and I’ll be doing dessert... Milo sorbet.

(Kitchen scene as the two begin preparation)
Scotto: So the thing that concerns me is the main and getting this cheese to fluff up.

Pinky: Yes and I’m worried about getting the fish fing… sorry cakes, to a nice crisp golden colour.

Pinky: (an aside into the camera) I really want us to work well together, last time we clashed heads… literally... when we were trying to get to the fridge at the same time.

Scotto: (yelling in a stressed manner) If we don’t get this tub of sorbet in the freezer right NOW it’s going to melt!

Pinky: Stay cool! We can’t afford to crumble under this pressure! What’s its consistency at the moment?

Scotto: Frozen.
Pinky: Good.  Oh God! The fish cakes are burnt! We’ve done this 1000 times and never, ever have we burnt them.
Scotto: So don’t panic Pinky. Just open another packet and start again. What about the olive tapenade?

Pinky: (defeated tone in voice) You won’t believe this… I forgot to buy the olives. Maybe we can just put some tomato sauce on the side?

Scotto: I’ll get on with the main. The jaffle maker is HOT! I’m gonna do it now!

(Switch to head shots)

Pinky: At this point I’m feeling really nervous. The clock is ticking.

Scotto: I check the jaffles- they are NOWHERE NEAR ready.

(Camera switch back to kitchen)

Pinky: Stop opening the jaffle maker Scotto! If you want to see the dark side of me just open it one more time, I’m warning you!

Scotto: (near hysteria) I’m really worried about the cheese! I’ts not puffing! It’s not PUFFING!

Pinky: (panicking) I can’t get the lid off this sorbet! Got it! This Milo takes three minutes to spoon over the sorbet and I’ve only got TWO minutes.

(Switch back to head shots)

Pinky: We were really under the pump now… we made a call… bin the original jaffles and start again!

Scotto: We do not want to go home tonight.

(Back to kitchen)

Pinky: How are those jaffles going Scotto? 

Scotto: Dropped ‘em! (Pinky’s back arches tensely)

Scotto: On to the plate! (winking at camera cheekily)

Pinky: Right! We’re ready to plate up. (Gives Scotto a good luck peck on the cheek)

(Judge’s Review Scene)
Judge: ( in a very serious tone) 

So Scotto and Pinkeee… ‘ow you teenk you went?
Pinky shrugs humbly, about to cry.

Scotto: I think this is it for us.

Judge: (sighing sadly) 

Zee fish cakes were dry. Where was zee olive taponahhhhde? Fish is very unforgiving. Zee main?… overall not a bad dish, but then came dessert. Too much the same… the milo, the soft, the milo, the soft. Where was zee crunch?

Tonight one team failed to make zee mark and zat team was…

Yeah okay maybe this show is not for us. What about The Voice?

For more funny tales about cooking read ... here