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Monday, April 15, 2013

Pinky gives Kim Jong-un a telling off.


The threat of nuclear war is no joke but then again we often make fun of the things we fear the most. I’ve seen quite a few Facebook jokes about Kim Jong-un with a myriad of comparisons drawn to Gangnam Style singer PSY. I heard a reporter the other day use a metaphor alluding to a tantrum throwing spoilt child, “Kim Jong-un has thrown all of the toys out of his pram.”

We seem to hear plenty about his late father and grandfather but not too much about his late former opera- singer Mum. I tell you what, if he was Pinky’s son he’d be getting a bloody clip over the ear for his shenanigans.

“Kimmy! You come out of your room right now! And you can get that surly look off your face. I’ve had enough of getting phone calls from other mothers telling me you’re not allowed over to play anymore. That Mrs Putin just gave me a big serve about what you did to her son. What’s wrong with you? Why can’t you play nice with the other kids? What’s that? You’re a dictator? Listen son, you’re not a dictator… you’re just a very naughty boy. 

For God’s sake put some pants on, I’m sick of seeing you walking around in your jocks. And why do you insist of cutting your hair like that… you look like Sweeney Todd. Who is going to want to be friends with someone with a haircut like Sweeney Todd? 

What about those nice boys from One Direction. I like that little Harry, why don’t you grow your hair like him? 

Where have you been all day anyway? Inspecting the concentration camps! Well you could afford to spend a bit of time there yourself Fatty Boombah. You’ve been tucking in to a bit too much Western food lately. Ever since you made friends with that Dennis the basketballer you’ve been feeding your face on Maccas and KFC. Well if you send a nuclear bomb over to America where do you think you’re going to get your fried chicken from then eh?

Can I smell cigarettes? Have you been smoking again? I can always smell it you know. Where are they? Right! Haven’t you embarrassed me enough after lighting up a bloody cigarette when you were inspecting operating theatres at the hospital? What were you thinking Kimmy? What sort of role model are you for the citizens?

Now I’ve made up my mind Kimmy. You’re grounded until you can cut out this weapons nonsense and start focussing on learning to get along with others. 

Isn’t it time you thought about getting a real job. I’m sure you could get a car mechanic’s apprenticeship at Hyundai if you apologised to South Korea for being such a little nasty little sh#t. 

That Barack’s a lovely bloke! Why don’t you invite him over for a play? And while you’re at it get rid of this internet and media censorship you insist on, I want to find out what’s happening on My Kitchen Rules! Now go to your room and have a good think about your attitude!”