Pinky's Book Link

Monday, April 22, 2013

Pinky talks dirty.

                                Image credit:

I noticed the other day when checking the stats on my blog, that the most popular post I’ve ever written is ‘Pinky’s Garden of Eden’… here.

Why? I pondered. It’s a little bit funny I suppose and tells the tale of Pinky’s failure as a gardener. Maybe a gardening group is sharing it and having a great laugh at my stupidity, I thought. I Googled ‘Pinky’ and ‘Garden’ and my site was unexpectedly sitting at the top of the page ranking. How?

Then I scrolled down. Oooooooh! ‘Pinky’s Garden’ is a porn website! Unwitting seekers of titillating entertainment must have been clicking on my site unaware of its unexciting and horticultural content. 

Unfortunate, disappointed searchers of erotic diversion those poor souls must be.

So I thought I might include some raunchy stories in my post today in honour of those lovely people who have unintentionally promoted my rankings with Mr Google.

Our staffroom has a scarcity of interesting reading material. Whether it’s a deliberate ploy by administration to discourage the teachers from relaxing too much and not being on top of the game at the front line of the Rugrat warzone I don’t know, but there’s bugger all to read.

One day Greggles, one of the male teachers, discovered an advertisement in a dog-eared magazine hawking products for the “Lady Garden”. It promised to keep the user’s ‘lady garden’ smelling like an English countryside in Springtime and contained so many outrageous and colourful metaphors we all cracked up laughing. Greggles read them out, most expressively, to the amusement of the rest of the staffroom over the next few days. I told you it’s boring in that staffroom.

Not to be outdone, O’Reilly, always ready for a laugh, brought in a flyer he’d found in his letterbox. It originated from a local shaver shop franchise and had a photograph of a male model, naked from the waist up and looking down at his…. you know…thing.

‘Release the Tiger’ the headline exclaimed.

It asked, “Is your tiger lost in the jungle?” and went on to talk about “Allowing your tiger to stand proud on the open plain.” 

Apparently the gist of the campaign was that; the less jungle there was, the bigger the tiger looks. 

I couldn’t help but worry that, with one slip of the razor it might be a case of “Crouching Tiger, Hidden Turtle”. 

Anyway, it amused the entire staffroom for both lunch breaks that day and it just goes to show that teachers need to be provided with more stimulating reading material.

Not raunchy enough for you yet? Okay, one more story.

One day Scotto and I were out for a walk along the river. Half way through our ambling I saw a jogger with a dog on a leash, heading towards us. 

As he approached I noticed that he was wearing silky, yellow, running shorts and for all intents and purposes, seemingly no underwear. I could clearly discern the shape of his ‘tiger’ swinging freely as he ran and as I had sunglasses on, was granted free access to an unrestricted viewing.

Just as he passed by us Scotto turned to me and hissed, 

“Crikey! That was a floppy one!”

I flashed an amazed and bewildered look at Scotto. Had he just read Pinky’s mind??

“I knoooooow!” I squealed in enthusiastic agreement.

“It's amazing," he added innocently, "I didn’t know a Cocker Spaniel could have such big ears!”