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Saturday, May 18, 2013

Pinky and the family curse.

                Jonah- the 'good-looking' one according to my Cougar friends.

I don’t write much about my twenty-two year old son Jonah; this has something to do with the fact that he has threatened to sue the crap out of me if I so much as pen one word in regards to his activities and as he is close to completing his law degree -and I don’t want to lose the house- I usually refrain.

However, I heard from Jonah’s father on Thursday night that he had been involved in a car accident in the big smoke where he is attending university. It was only a wee bingle but Jonah was at fault and like all the Poinker children, he doesn’t have any insurance. “Lenny”, Jonah’s car copped the worst of it but thankfully it’s still driveable.

I phoned him this morning in order to glean more information.

“What sort of car was it that you ran into, Jonah? Was it an old one?” I ventured hopefully.

“Ah no Mum, it was an new Audi.” I could see the hairs stand up on the back of Scotto’s neck when I repeated in a dismayed squeal, ‘An Audi!’.

Thaddeus caused an accident a couple of years ago damaging his car, Hagar and Padraic both devastatingly wrote their cars off and now Jonah has finally succumbed to the family automobile curse.

Lulu at least is safe. She already smashed up the family four wheel drive when she was about four years old.

We had just returned from dropping her brothers to school when Lulu resolved to chuck a full-blown wobbly and stubbornly refused to get out of the car. After ten minutes of listening to her screaming at me and humourlessly watching her thrash around in the back seat, I lost my patience.

“Right! You can stay in the car then you naughty little girl!” I sternly announced.

I walked inside the house planning on giving her a five minute timeout when suddenly I heard her screaming.

Rushing outside I was horrified to witness the truck rolling slowly backwards out of the garage down the slightly sloped driveway. Paralysed with fear, I was certain the brick garden edging would bring it to a standstill but instead it trundled right over the bricks. 

 Gaining momentum the monster truck bowled over a well-established palm tree while continuing to head towards the gully separating our house and the Newmans’ next door.

All the time I could see little Lulu’s terrified face pressed up against the window. As if in slow motion it barrelled backwards down the six foot gully where it finally came to rest. Flying to the truck and opening the door I grabbed my precious, little stunt driver and thanked God she was perfectly fine.

Much to the entertainment of the block of units next door, the four wheel drive had to be extricated from the gully via a crane and although the damage to the vehicle was minimal, Pinky’s opinion of herself as a responsible, careful mother was permanently damaged. 

I’d broken one of the Golden Rules of child-rearing, Never leave a child alone in a car!

My own record as a driver is pretty spotless (despite what other lying folk may tell you) except for one accident when someone ran into the back of my Volvo. (Yes…stop laughing okay. So Pinky used to be a Volvo driver… get over it!)

I had seven year old Thaddeus and baby Lulu in the car with me at the time. Thaddeus was taken to hospital in the back of an ambulance as a precaution because he'd hit his forehead on the dashboard. He seemed fine but as soon as they put a neck brace on him he went into shock out of sheer fear. Poor little bloke.

“I had a bit of a rear-ender! You’ll have to come and get the car.” I hurriedly informed my then husband on the phone. 

He was expecting a little ding in the bumper bar but this is what he found when he arrived at the scene. 

It was a write off… we don’t do things by half in the Poinker family.