You can tell we’re nearing the end of the school year…
The fighting, bickering, paranoid behaviour and personal slurs have escalated.
I’ve witnessed savage elbow jabbing into ribs in tussles at the pigeon holes, eyes rolling in barely concealed impatience and the odd Chinese burn inflicted on an imprudent victim who happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time
…and that’s just between the teachers in the staffroom.
Everyone’s tired. Our edges are rapidly fraying and seams splitting revealing the soft, ultra-sensitive underbellies beneath.
The School Guidance Counsellor, Julie, has set up a pamper station in the staffroom laden with bowls of chocolate, hand gels, stress balls, candles and self-help books.
Someone should tell her we need something a little stronger; like Valium and Gin.
Today, after finishing a gruelling lesson on pictographs as I was handing out some practise worksheets I wearily said to the kids, “If anyone is having trouble with a question just give me a ring.”
They stared at me with amusement, “But we don’t have any phones Mrs Poinker!” chimed twenty-eight highly entertained students.
Besides the fact that we teachers are shattered after a long year, it’s also the dreaded Report Card time again.
Writing reports (as I commented on poetically last semester….click here) used to be so simple. My teachers hand-wrote whatever sarcastic criticisms came to mind as they sat with their oil lamps burning and a half empty bottle of sherry beside them.
…and that’s just between the teachers in the staffroom.
Everyone’s tired. Our edges are rapidly fraying and seams splitting revealing the soft, ultra-sensitive underbellies beneath.
The School Guidance Counsellor, Julie, has set up a pamper station in the staffroom laden with bowls of chocolate, hand gels, stress balls, candles and self-help books.
Someone should tell her we need something a little stronger; like Valium and Gin.
Today, after finishing a gruelling lesson on pictographs as I was handing out some practise worksheets I wearily said to the kids, “If anyone is having trouble with a question just give me a ring.”
They stared at me with amusement, “But we don’t have any phones Mrs Poinker!” chimed twenty-eight highly entertained students.
Besides the fact that we teachers are shattered after a long year, it’s also the dreaded Report Card time again.
Writing reports (as I commented on poetically last semester….click here) used to be so simple. My teachers hand-wrote whatever sarcastic criticisms came to mind as they sat with their oil lamps burning and a half empty bottle of sherry beside them.
School Report for
Pinky Poinker 1978
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English
Mrs
Wordsmith
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Whilst
Pinky should be commended on her ability to write an expanded essay based on
the title and front cover of the text; “Lord of the Flies” was not about a
pig who learns to fly a plane and breaks his glasses, thus causing him to
crash the plane into a rainforest riddled with flies.
More
effort is required in this subject next semester.
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Mathematics
Mr
Pickles
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Thank
you for the lovely letter you wrote me on your blank test paper, Pinky.
I’m
sorry but I can’t pass you even though I am sorry to hear you lost your
revision sheets and had a migraine the night before your exam.
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Ancient
History
Miss
Seenitall
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Quoting
two verses and a chorus of “ Rivers of Babylon” by Boney M is not a
reflection of Mesopotamian Society in 1893 BC.
Pinky should
try harder.
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Modern
History
Mrs
Churchill
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The “Rats
of Tobruk” were not actual ‘rats’ and were most certainly not the cause of
the Bubonic Plague in Europe in World War Two.
Pinky is
not reaching her true potential.
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Biology
Mr
Weboflife
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If Pinky
had spent less time throwing frog entrails around the classroom during
dissection in order to make Shirleen Hooper vomit and spent more time doing her
assignments (of which she submitted-0)
perhaps she
may have passed this subject.
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Art
Mr Dodgy
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Who is
this Pinky Poinker?
I don’t believe I’ve ever met her. I thought she must
have left the school because she’s never been to any classes, ever.
Fail.
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