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Friday, November 22, 2013

What Do You Search for on Google?

If you read Pinky Poinker regularly you will have noted my penchant for writing silly lists.

You know what I mean; Signs of Getting Old, Signs you spend too much time blogging, Signs of Your Cat Being an Alien… that sort of rubbish.

Well today, I was feeling a tad lazy and thought I’d nick an idea from Google to satirise.

I typed in “Signs of a” just to see what Mr Google would throw up as the most popular searches and perhaps find inspiration with which to entertain you all.

In horrified fascination I went through the entire alphabet of what the top #4 most frequent searches by the global community are when looking for 

“signs of…”

Autism, A heart attack, A stroke, Anxiety.

Breast cancer, Bipolar, Bowel cancer, Being pregnant

Cancer, Concussion, Cervical cancer, Cheating

Depression, Diabetes, Dehydration, Dementia

Early labour, Early pregnancy, Ectopic pregnancy, Emotional abuse

Food poisoning, Fatigue, Falling in love, Flirting

Gastro, Gestational diabetes, Going into labour, Gluten intolerance

Heart attack, High blood pressure, HIV, Heart problems

Iron deficiency, Internal Bleeding, Infection, Implantation

Jealousy, Judgement Day Jaundice, Jealousy in men

Kidney failure, Kidney infection, Kidney disease, Kidney stones

Labour, Lung cancer, Liver cancer, Leukemia

Miscarriage, Measles, Menopause, MS

Neglect, Nervous breakdown, Neurological dysfunction, Negative fluid balance

Ovulation, Ovarian cancer, Overtraining, Ovarian cysts

Pregnancy, Pneumonia, Prostate cancer, Parvo

Qiyamah (Day of Judgement), Qayamat (Doomsday), Q Fever, Qayamat already happened

Uti, Urinary infection, Uterine cancer, Underactive Thyroid

Vitamin D deficiency, Very early pregnancy, Vertigo, Vaginal Thrush

Worms, Whooping cough, Worms in kids, Wear

Xanax, Xanax addiction, Xanax overdose, Xylitol poisoning in dogs

Yeast infection, Your period, Your water breaking, Your first period

Zodiac, Zinc deficiency, Zinc Toxicity, Zodiac Dates

All I can say is, “Lighten the hell up, guys!”

I would have preferred to find “signs of…” 

Alcohol’s Benefits 
Beauty in the Fifth Decade 
Calories are a Myth 
Diets are Dangerous 
Ears that stick out are an indicator of intelligence 
Fairies are real and living in YOUR garden
Ghandi is alive and living in Queensland with Elvis
Hedonism is the latest trend 
Ironing is a Dying Art 
Junk Food can be good for you 
KFC is made from rodents not chickens 
Leaving things to the last minute is good for your health 

Myer's having a 90% sale within the next week 
Nits are reaching extinction levels
Old is the new young 
Paleo diet makes people grow hair on their back 
Quinoa is not actually supposed to be ingested 
Rocket scientists aren’t that smart 
Sanity is overrated 
Telstra is closing down for good 
UFOs are real 
Vampire movies and TV shows are losing their appeal 
Weather Forecasters being questioned on their credibility 
X Factor courting 50+ contestants soon 
Ying and Yang are really back to front 

and finally…

Zombie movies are about to be banned in 196 countries.

Image credit: Scotto