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Monday, February 23, 2015

What career would you like to switch to?

“So Mrs. Poinker, will you be going up to Grade Five next year with us because you’ll have learned everything in Grade Four?” asked a little cutie in my class today.

“No sweetie, this is my sixth year in Grade 4,” I replied despondently.

She looked at me with a soupcon of pity. 

“What a dumbass teacher Mrs. Poinker is,” she must have been thinking.

The truth is I don’t know if I’ll even have a job next year what with our tree change to Mount Tamborine and all. Unlike Pete Evans, I don’t look in the mirror and see a youthful teenager staring back at me. I see a woman of advanced years with glazed eyes, a relaxed jawline and a possible penchant for furtive drinking.

Scotto keeps encouraging me to write application letters and get my name out there but I’m scared. I haven’t written one of those types of letters for decades… centuries even.

I don’t even know what my strengths are: an ability to exploit highly expressive and ludicrous voices when I’m reading stories to the students in order to hold their attention? 

I don’t think that would cut it.

Maybe my prospective employers will take one look at my resume, have a good snort over it when they spot my age and chuck it in the bin.

Perhaps I should look for work outside of teaching.

Most teachers I know, exhausted at the end of term, say they’d quite like to work at Bunnings. They’re particularly specific about it being Bunnings. I don’t know why. Maybe it’s because there are lots of aisles you can hide in and slide under with a nice magazine.

Or it might be that there are rarely any children to be seen mid-week at a Bunnings outlet.

I don’t fancy Bunnings myself. I don’t know the difference between a Sphincter Valve and a Grease Nipple Kit.

I could see myself working in a second hand bookstore though. Preferably one I owned myself. I could take my dogs to work with me and sit around in a rocking chair with a shawl over my knees sipping tea and ignoring customers. I own enough books to have a book store. But then I’d probably sell them and have to order more and I couldn't stand the paperwork. Besides I don’t think second hand books are much of a money spinner.

Of course I could incorporate local wine tastings into the second hand book shopping experience. We could have poetry readings (where I got to use my silly voices) and wine sessions to raise extra revenue. Although I’d most likely drink all the wine and end up with a hangover I suppose.

But then I’d get to sleep in every day because no one wants to buy books in the morning do they?

I could open the shop at 11:00 am and have a nice breakfast before work. I’d have eggs and sausages I think. 

I could learn to paint watercolours and have a corner of the shop set up with my works for sale. I might become famous and rich… it’s not impossible. 

Is it?

Yeah I know. I’d better write those bloody letters and get my name out there.

I’m not fishing for compliments but can you think of any hidden strengths I might have?

Does anyone want to write my resume for me?