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Saturday, February 2, 2013

Teenagers Behaving Badly Part 7- Pinky's Horrorscope for the Week!


Pisces ( Feb 19 – Mar 19) 

When Venus visits your sign this week you will be inundated with social invitations. For God’s sake stop being such a nerd and get out there and act like a University student. Jupiter will play a role in a windfall later in the month. Spend your birthday money wisely as Christmas is another ten months away. Some new clothes would be a good investment as you can’t keep wearing the clothes you had when you left home three years ago. Remember frugal Pisces, you will never get a girlfriend if you don’t stop being such a cheapskate.

Aries (Mar 20 - Apr 18) 


Keep your dreams alive. This could be your lucky day and the seventy-five percent of your wages you spend at the Casino could indeed provide dividends. Take today’s opportunity to move on with your life and don’t hold on to dirty laundry. In fact even if you’ve only worn it for ten minutes, chuck it in the washing machine. Don’t listen to advice from others; make your own decisions. After all you know everything don’t you? You often feel you are surrounded by bossy people. Continue to disregard their advice and take that well-earned sickie on Monday. When your girlfriend complains that you never take her anywhere just tell her that you love her and she’ll get over it. It’s worked on Mum for nineteen years.

Gemini (May 20 – June 19) 

Scotto (Husband)

It’s time to draw on the lessons of 2004-2012. When yet another of your t-shirts go missing, seek them out farther afield; for example, explore your stepson’s bedrooms. Just because you organized a low- tariff, off- peak electricity system doesn’t mean the stepkids won’t discover a way to circumvent it. Extension cords Do exist you know. It is a good idea to address complicated issues early this week. If you want to take the carton of leftover spaghetti to work for lunch, make sure you hide it in the crisper behind the lettuce the night before. Try to look at situations from the outside. If your wife is screaming at the stepkids it is best to take a backstep and avoid playing the moderator. It will only end badly. As a Gemini your famous sense of logic will see you through many perplexing quandaries. You won’t bother getting up in the middle of the night when it sounds like someone is breaking into the house. You will know it’s only your drunk stepson coming home after a night on the town. You will realize quickly that the vicious taunt, “You aren’t my father, you can’t tell me what to do!” was an inconsequential comment when the same kid needs a lift half an hour later.

Leo (July 22 – Aug 21) 


Venus and Mercury are moving into new positions which mean it is acceptable to be a bitch for the entire month instead of just a few select days. Keep your secrets close to your chest and never reveal your true destination on a Saturday night. Learn to push niggling interruptions in your life such as Biology assignments, out of your mind. Don’t aim too high in your career aspirations. Why study to be a veterinarian when you can always find employment as a checkout chick. Take extra care with personal safety, especially when you are walking through busy car parks with your face in your phone. Don’t get caught up in semantics as you have in the past. A ‘gathering’ is the same as a ‘party’ and you won’t be allowed to go until the holidays come around.

Libra (Sep 22 – Oct 22)


There are many decisions to be made this week for Librans. Should you stay home and study for that University exam or should you go to the pub with Dazza and check out that new band? Should you fork out and finally get your car serviced or buy a new hard drive to store all your downloaded movies on? This week is time to clear some space in your life for a long think about your future. Perhaps it is time to knuckle down and finish that four year law degree within seven years before your HECS debt negates your income for the next thirty years. Listen to guidance from others. That end of year boys’ trip to Bali you are planning could easily go pear-shaped. Go to Brisvegas instead; it’s far cheaper and your mother will sleep at night.


There are many decisions to be made this week for Librans. Should you really start drinking Chardonnay at four-thirty on a Sunday afternoon when you still haven’t marked all those student assignments? Should you fork out and finally get the tyres changed on your car or should you splurge on a carton of Moet Chandon? This week is time to clear some space in your life for a long think about your future. Consider kicking some of those slothful teenagers out of your house. Listen to guidance from others like that famous saying, ‘A clean house is a sign of a boring person.’

Aquarius (Jan 20 – Feb 18) 


The Aquarius New Moon this week indicates a fresh start to the year. Try not to wag school as much this year as you are in your final year and your Mother will notice the days absent on your term report anyway. Think seriously about resolutions to relaunch yourself. Cease wearing those ridiculous pants with the crotch down near your knees even if they are in fashion. Take a good look in the mirror and come to the understanding that you are NOT a black rapper. Reach out to others by showing compassion and respect. At least try to remain in the same room and feign interest while your mother is writing your English assignment for you. 

Capricorn ( Dec 21 – Jan 19) 

Celine the Dog

However overwhelmed you feel, never bite the hand that feeds you. Be prepared to take risks. Sneak past the German Shepherd and steal his bone when he’s busy licking his balls… again. Don’t allow offensive people into your life; especially the cat. If you see the nasty creature slink into the house bale it up and bark until help arrives. Try not to take offence at small things. When you are mistaken for a Chihuahua, stand proud and assert that you are, in actual fact, a Miniature Fox Terrier.

Taurus (21 April – 21 May) 

The Cat
This week your ruler Mars is ascending, indicating that there will be an extra need for caution in your life. Your arch nemesis the German Shepherd is plotting revenge on you for the time you made him bark and he was smacked with a rolled up newspaper. You will have to use your Taurean pushiness to remind your owner to feed you. Last week you had to leave a dead rat and two geckos at the front door after she forgot two days in a row. You don’t want a repeat of that nightmare. Finally do not trust fair weather friends. The fox terrier has tagged a photo of you on Facebook the time you stole the prawns off the Christmas seafood platter.