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Wednesday, May 29, 2013

Pinky's Winter Woolies

Celine and Pablo Escobark were piteously shivering on our bed last night like the “Shakin Dog” from the Wendy’s advertisement so we had to pull out their tiny weeny sweaters. 

Winter in the Tropics doesn’t officially commence until June but there have been a few signs the weather is changing.

# I can dry myself off after a shower because the persistent sweat on my body is now miraculously evaporating.

# My foundation doesn’t slip off my face as I apply it in the humidity.

# My hands have taken on the shiny, scaly appearance of an eighty year old woman.

# It is necessary to wear a cardigan until 8:30 am.

# I sneeze 481 times a day as a reaction to wearing said cardigan which has been lurking in my cupboard frenziedly collecting dust mites for eight months.

# At recess, I keep getting an urge to snatch the tuckshop pies out of the kids’ hands and high-tail it up to the staffroom because my salad isn’t nearly as appealing.

# The German Shepherd has finally stopped moulting and is beginning to look like a big hairy wolf.

# “Paul” my bunion has started to ache. (Paul Bunyan… get it?)

                           Sorry I should have cut my toe nails first.

# Scotto says, “Yes” when I ask him if he’d like a cup of coffee.

# My washing load has tripled because of Hagar’s hoodies and track suits.

# My students all have snot dripping from their noses.

# The girls in my class spend the entire day applying, admiring, and losing their cherry chapstick.

# The boys in my class all have chapped lips.

# The cat demands to be fed 5 times a day instead of once.

# You could start a fire on my front lawn by slipping on it, it’s so dry.

# I flinch like a cowardly custard when I close my car door as I anticipate a static electricity shock.

# You can leave the margarine out of the fridge for 5 minutes without it liquefying.

# I buy something wintery like a leopard skin beret which deep down I know I will never ever wear.

And finally…

# I stop shaving my legs, not because I cover my legs up in winter, but because all I end up doing is shaving off my goosebumps creating a bloody and grisly “Psycho” shower scene.