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Sunday, September 13, 2015

Do you mainly use your right hand or your left?

Pool in all its glory!

Today was fudging “Photo” day which meant we had to have the idiot house (the one we’re putting on the market next week) ready to take photographs for the $3000 newspaper advertising campaign to go in the stupid newspaper (don’t get me fudging started about that).

So Scotto and I got up on a Sunday morning at like… earlier than 9 o’clock. 

I went straight downstairs and flicked on the rubber gloves like some sort of excited proctologist and began scouring out cupboards in the kitchen with my trusty sponge and a pot of Gumption.

I bloody love Gumption. It is the BEST thing for getting off grime. This is not a sponsored post and I DEFINITELY do not want Mr or Mrs Gumption to start sending me cases of the stuff because I’m sick of the sight of it, BUT… credit where it’s due. Not only does it dissolve most unrecognizable globules of green, unidentifiable growth, it has no fumes!

I had my head and generous upper torso jammed into my share of tiny spaces, with my arm stretched out clinging to a mottled sponge knowing full well I wasn’t about to succumb to deathly fumes because Gumption is made from freshly expressed koala milk and has no toxic properties.

That’s what Scotto told me anyway.

I put in eleven hours of hard labour yesterday and this is what my scrubbing hand looked like.

The other hand had a lot to answer for.

Right hand: 
So what the fudge did you do all day, huh? Look at me! Like… I’m all swollen and wrinkly and corpse-like and you look fresh as a daisy. You just stood by all day, hanging at Pinky’s side or perched on her hip, while I did all the work you bastard slack ass! Who do you think you are?

Left Hand: 
It’s not my fault! I was born with an impediment. I just can’t do spiral motions. I don’t have the same fine motor control as you! I can’t help it if I’m different. I would help if I could but I just haven’t got the same ability as you. I’m retarded. Don’t make fun of me. It’s against the law you know. You’re bullying me! I’m telling someone! Bully!

So anyway, I put in eight hours today which isn’t as good as eleven hours but it’s still worthy of a whinge (and a pizza).

But the good news is we’ve reached the peak of the mountain and now it’s all downhill. One more week until our first open house! Oh my fudging gawd!!!

And apart from one incident where Scotto yelled out to me when I was having a tantrum about curtain rods, “Get OVER it!”  and I screeched back with no dignity at all, “You get over it! I hate you and I hate this HOUSE!” we haven’t had one fight!

Do you have a problem with your left hand hand or are you ambidexterimosiserated?