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Saturday, September 19, 2015

What Things Live in your Laundry?

Potted Colour!

A fight nearly erupted this morning when we arrived home from the supermarket. “I want to buy some flash rubber gloves,” I’d said to Scotto at nine o’clock in Coles. “The old ones make my hands smell like cheese.”

So, we’d deliberated over silver-lined versus fleecy cotton lined and finally I’d agreed to ‘super’ gloves. Scotto insisted I get a size ‘small’ even though I knew that wouldn’t be right with my swollen hand and sure enough, half an hour later I threw them on the kitchen bench in disgust because I couldn’t squeeze the fudging things over my swollen wrist.

So for the next eight and a half hours of scrubbing, I had to wear the cheesy ones.

It’s grounds for divorce, really.

And then, I nearly cried at six-thirty in the evening when I looked around the house and realized we still have so much to do before the open house tomorrow (at two pm sharp). Scotto’s painting stuff was spread everywhere and what was a beautifully presented house last Sunday seemed to have gone back to stage one.

Will this never end?

Scotto isn’t allowed to shave because I don’t want him leaving stubble all over the bathroom and I haven’t shaved my legs since the bathroom was cleaned properly for the same reason. No one is allowed to wear shoes in the house, the oven is on the blacklist and I’m thinking of banning number twos…

It’s just not a normal house anymore.

We bought some potted colour but didn’t get a chance to plant them because I was too busy scraping off the grouting whitener debacle I’d attempted last weekend. Honestly, it looked like a flock of pigeons had shat all over my splash back in a glorious, rebellious unison.

My biggest job today was the laundry. We have a laundry shute going from our bedroom down to the laundry and I’m being perfectly honest when I say I’ve never seen the bottom of it for thirteen years.

When I finally chucked out all the dirty clothes, I discovered there were snails crawling around at the bottom, I kid you not; mutated snails, with two shells and glowing orange.

The kids used to use the laundry shute to shimmy up and sneak into our otherwise locked bedroom when we went out, so there were footprints up and down the shoot I had to clean out as well.

If the potential buyers noticed small, black footprints up and down the laundry shute it might put them off buying, don’t you think?

Speaking of random wildlife, our geckos and cockroaches have all been forced into homelessness. Because I’ve spritzed and sprayed all the empty cupboards they keep appearing in the most vulnerable places. A gecko sat in the kitchen sink staring up at me this morning as if to say,

“So where the fudge am I supposed to live now, eh? You’ve taken down all the paintings. Where am I supposed to take a crap now?”

I think Scotto is starting to feel the same way just quietly.

Night time pic of our house!