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Friday, September 11, 2015

The Flamin Flame Tree!

Flame Tree having a Drama Queen Conniption

“Looks like it’s had a bit of shell shock,” said a lady walking her dog past my front lawn as I grovelled around on my knees in the buffalo grass attempting to pick up the multitude of leaves dropped from my flame tree, enough leaves to camouflage the island of Tasmania should it decide to become a tactical commando, actually.

“I’m just waiting for its bloody mate over there to do the same thing on the other side,” I sighed, pointing to an identical flame tree on the other side of the lawn and wiping a beetle from my eyeball.

Healthy Flame Tree

She looked into the forlorn branches of the bedraggled tree and I just knew she was about to say something poignant. 

She had that horticulturalist look about her. You know… gray bushy eyebrows and a t-shirt with wind turbines decorating the front and a slogan saying, “Old environmentalists never die, they just get recycled” on the back.

“I think that tree was traumatized by having its roots cut when those guys laid your turf down,” she said, arching a furry eyebrow.

A light bulb went off in my head. It was a dull, yellow, almost burnt out light bulb and not an environmentally friendly LED one, but even so, a light bulb.

Of course! That’s why the poor tree had thrown a hissy fit at the inappropriate time of Spring. 

It wasn’t just being a bloody minded despot trying to spite me by cruelly thrusting its foliage to the ground in a vicious temper tantrum… it was ill, heinously wounded and protesting in the only way it knew how.

All the swearing and snide remarks I’d been making at it as I scrambled around its trunk, frantically plunging leaves into garbage bags, were probably making things worse. 

As soon as Christine Milne was out of ear shot I started pleading with the tree.

I stroked its trunk and breathed carbon dioxide over its branches as I whispered soppy endearments.

When I arose this morning, not a single leaf had fallen. It may be because there really aren’t many leaves remaining on the pitiful plant anyway… or it might be because I have discovered a new talent… 

Tree Whispering!!!

What do you whisper to?? Surprise me...