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Wednesday, August 28, 2013

Pinky the Pushy Mother

                       Jonah at four years of age in the newspaper!

We held our annual talent quest at school today and kids from 6 years of age to about twelve years took to the stage with acts such as; telling jokes, singing, dancing, playing trumpets, violins, pianos and drums. There were also a couple of unusual acts where the kids sat on the floor, sang a song and appeared to be playing a drinking game with a pair of cups. Not sure what that was about?

Proud parents lined the edges of the shelter shed snapping away like the paparazzi. I remember when my kids were little… nervously watching them perform in singing, dancing and poetry competitions.

Was Pinky a pushy parent? Damn straight I was… especially with Thaddeus and Jonah. The novelty had pretty much worn off by the time the other three were old enough.

Thaddeus recited a poem on stage at the local Eisteddfod after he had just turned four

Extremely enthusiastic and excited about his performance, the entire time he was on stage he maintained a firm and steadfast grip on his willy. As the poem gained momentum, little Thaddeus’ vocal tone grew higher and higher, as did the level of tenacity with which he clung on to the front of his trousers. 

By the time he finished the crowd was howling with laughter. I think he may have received a Highly Commended award for his entertainment value.

Poor unfortunate Jonah was sent to tap dancing lessons at the age of four. Lulu had just been born and it would be at least four years before she would be old enough to send to ballet lessons; I was anxious to have one of my kids dancing on stage... enter, little Jonah.

Pushy Pinky entered the unwilling, tiny Gene Kelly into the Tiny Tots Song and Dance section of the Eisteddfod.

“I don’t want to do it Mum,” he wailed piteously.

“Oh come ON Jonah… what if I give you twenty bucks?” Bribery always worked with this child.

“Nup,” he was adamant.

“What if I give you twenty bucks, and if you come first, second or third you never have to go to tap dancing again!”

“Okay. I’ll do it!”

I thought I was home and hosed. There was no WAY he was going to win any prizes. The kids in the Tiny Tots competition came from all the small towns in the hinterland where there was NOTHING ELSE to do. Their parents were psychotic fanatics and their ‘Toddlers in Tiaras’ lived and breathed the dance studios. Besides, their mothers could sew up a storm in glamorous costumes, unlike useless Pinky.

Jonah’s dance teacher decided he should sing ‘Ragtime Cowboy Joe’ dressed as a miniature cowboy with a rocking horse and a gun holster. 
Easy costume a la Toyworld for lazy, inadequate Pinky!
The big night arrived and little Jonah tap-tap-tapped his way on to the stage, spinning and singing the complicated lyrics with aplomb. Suddenly he slipped right across the stage in an un-choreographed fashion. A gasp went up from the audience…my heart stopped… no, he was up, barely missing a beat and tap-tap-tapping across the stage again.

The crowd cheered; he was so adorable. I was unbelievably proud and visions of a renowned, tap dancing, genious son performing all around the world flashed before me. 
MY son would be FAMOUS!

Jonah came second in the competition and sadly for the entertainment industry, never graced the stage in those tap shoes again.

                             Bragging rights!