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Sunday, July 13, 2014

The End of School Holidays

The two weeks of school holidays sped by faster than one of those French planes with the pointy noses that can go over 2000 kilometres per hour*. One minute I was bounding out the school gates clicking my heels in the air, and the next minute I’m packing my can of tuna and crackers and bruised banana for my work lunch tomorrow.

I spent a considerable amount of time today attempting to come up with tactics in order to afford myself a few extra days/weeks of holiday.

“If I lay down in the driveway would you run over my legs with the car once or twice?” I begged husband, Scotto.

“I couldn’t stand the sound of crunching,” he replied, not bothering to look up from his game of Terminator 2.

“What about if I put my little finger on the vegetable chopping board and you got a knife and…”

“No,” he interrupted tersely before I could finish my proposition. "We never cut meat on the vegetable board, remember?"

I could always ring my Deputy Principal tomorrow morning and pretend to be sick.

Pinky: Hello? Mrs G.? It’s Pinky… heart-breaking cough… I’m really sick and won’t be in for work today… sorry… cough.
Mrs G.: PauseYou’re not really sick are you?
Pinky: Anguished cry… But, but… how did you know?

Mrs G. : I didn’t. But I do now. See you at 8:00am.

The trouble is, Deputy Principals can sense a lie with an almost supernatural proficiency having listened to so many kids telling porky- pies for all those years.

I could get Scotto to ring in sick for me. But then she’d probably hear my hysterical, muffled laughter in the background and the game would be up.

I could (taking a leaf out of the students’ book of excuses) ring to say my Chihuahua has swallowed my car keys and I’d be at the vet all day.

But my Chihuahua couldn’t force a paper clip down his throat let alone a set of keys.

I could just not turn up tomorrow and when the Deputy Principal rang me say, “Oh! Is school on today? I thought we had three weeks holiday, not two! Sorry but I’ve already made plans for the day!”

But she’d just reply with, “Pinky, I read your mindless blog last night and I know very well you were aware school commenced today so hurry up and get in here.”

It’s fruitless exercise isn’t it? Looks like I’ll just have to bloody go.

Oh well… at least there’s always the toasted cheese and tomato sandwiches at the tuckshop to look forward to.

Unless of course you can think of an excuse for me?