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Sunday, June 23, 2013

Scotto and the Dolly Birds

                            Jenny and Pinky rockin' on!

According to the Urban Dictionarya Sabre-tooth Tiger is a woman well past her prime of being a Puma or even a Cougar. They lurk just before dusk in huge groups drinking Cosmopolitan after Cosmopolitan. They are looking for any form of action and are no stranger to the chase. They typically wear grey and white fur coats, have way too much gold jewellery, and wear more make up than Bozo the clown.
"OMG look at that dude, he's getting mauled by that Sabre tooth."

Lovely description of someone’s Mummy isn’t it?

I’ll bet my Cosmopolitan it was written by a man too. Single women in their thirties are coined a Puma (hi Kaz) and Cougar is the name delegated to single women from thirty to forty-nine. 

We know all this already Pinky! I hear you mutter impatiently.

But did you know that the fortyish male equivalent of a Cougar is a Rhino; always horny and usually ugly.

Grave robber, Big Game Hunter and Milf Hunter are some of the names assigned to men who are attracted to older women.

This is one example of the species.
                                        Val, the Grave Robber and Julie.

But isn’t that Scotto? I hear all my readers gasp (both of you).

Yes it is. Scotto is ten years (alright, ten and a half years , now shut up Scotto and go back to Candy Crush) younger than I and he will vouch for the fact that being married to an older woman has some definite advantages.

Yesterday I dragged Scotto along to watch a band called “The Reclining Rockers” who were playing seventies and eighties music in the beer garden of an unfashionable pub on the wrong side of town. 

As suggested by their name these blokes have been around the block many times. The tread on their tyres might be a bit thin but they can still rock and roll with the best.

My friend Dolly was going out to lunch with her tribe of gal pals and had asked us to come along to the gig. All of the other husbands sensibly optioned to stay at home and watch the footy or play golf... but my young buck was keen to party on with us wrinklies.

                                 Scotto and Dolly

There he stood; the honorary gigolo, surrounded by a bevy of mature beauties. Scotto entertained all of us with his silly pranks, 

his Austen Powers impersonations and an endless stream of seemingly hilarious jokes. (I'd heard most of them)

I think he was the youngest person there until his favourite stepson, Thaddeus, turned up and stole his thunder.

It’s our seven year anniversary tomorrow and I just wanted to say Happy Anniversary to my young spunky toy boy!
Thanks for being so much fun!