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Friday, June 14, 2013

An Unconventional Guide to Optimists and Pessimists – Take my test to find out what you are!

                                     Hmmm... is that glass half empty or half full?

I’m not sure if I’m an optimist, a pessimist or a realist. I know on the rare occasion I buy a lotto ticket I’m usually damn certain I’m going to win. In fact, one day Scotto and I had a full blown argument about how we would spend our millions when we won. 

One thing I do know for sure is that being an optimist can lead to a lot of disappointment. At least if you’re always expecting the worst, when it actually happens, you’ll be mentally prepared.

Pinky's Quiz
I’ve prepared a short quiz if you would like to read on and determine whether you are an optimist, pessimist or realist.

When you are pouring bleach into the toilet bowl and you feel something splash in your eye you;

(a) Think it’s probably just water from the bowl and rinse your eye in the sink nonchalantly.

(b) Know that it was most probably bleach, panic, and spend ten minutes dousing your eye with the garden hose.

(c) Rinse your eye and make a mental note to wear goggles next time you clean the toilet.

When you hop on the bathroom scales and notice you’ve gained three kilograms you;

(a) Think, oh well, at least some of the wrinkles in my face might have filled out.

(b) Know that the middle-age spread has irrevocably begun and there’s not a damn thing you can do about it.

(c) Distribute your weight with both hands on the bathroom counter until you see your desired numbers register on the scales.

When you are out on a walk with the dog, your dog poops on the grass beside the footpath and you forgot to bring a bag, you;

(a) Wait for the person jogging behind you and ask them if they have a bag.

(b) You wait dejectedly for the tirade of verbal abuse from the person jogging behind you.

(c) You drag the dog along while it’s doing its pooping so no-one will know what’s happening.

When you are b#tching about ‘someone’ at work and your friends suddenly stop laughing and pull a weird expression you;

(a) Assume that ‘someone’ has walked in but you probably managed to shut your big mouth in time and they didn’t hear a thing, then you quickly change the subject.

(b) Slowly turn around knowing that you are about to find out how difficult it is for a middle-aged woman to find new employment in today’s youthful workforce.

(c) Say in a loud voice, “But despite all that we all love the old dragon dearly don’t we?” and go and hide in your classroom for the next two weeks.

When a strange light intermittently flashes on the dashboard of your car you think;

(a) I really better get this car into a workshop before something happens, the problem gets worse and it winds up costing a lot of money.

(b) That’d be right. This is going to cost me a fricking fortune. I bet something really expensive has broken.

(c) I’d better stick an Elastoplast over that light so it doesn’t keep annoying me.

When your eighteen year old son has a horrible screaming match with you and you hear him slam the door and leave the house at 1.30am, you think;

(a) He will probably go to a mate’s house, cool down and come back with his tail between his legs tomorrow morning.

(b) I am a failure as a mother. I’ve probably really upset him, and now he’ll run away and become a street kid.

(c) Oh well… I still have four other kids.

When you’re having a really bad week/month; you feel ugly, fat, stupid, unlovable and jealous of everyone and everything you,

(a) Go and have a facial, a massage and buy some new clothes/jewellery/perfume.

(b) Think that things are never going to get better and start withdrawing from people for a while.

(c) Go to the hairdressers and have your long hair cut off into an unappealing bob just to give yourself a concrete reason for feeling ugly.

You enter blogging competition and when you don’t win you think;

(a) They probably forgot to read my lovely blog. Maybe it was accidentally overlooked. I’ll try again next year.

(b) I knew it all along. I suck and no one is interested in what I write. I may as well give up.

(c) Remember that you’ve never won anything in your life before so it’s probably good that nothing much has changed because you don’t really want to be rich and famous, get to meet the Queen, win an Order of Australia, have a cleaning lady, go to nice restaurants, travel or learn how to write proper anyway.

And finally… the old glass half empty/full analogy.

When you see that your glass of Chardonnay is at half-mast you think:

(a) Oh goody, I still have another delicious half glass left to drink!

(b) Well that hardly hit the sides and now I only have a half glass left.

(c) Oh well, lucky I still have a full bottle left in the fridge.

Your results my friend:

Mostly As- a Pollyanna optimist!

Mostly Bs- a Murphy’s law pessimist

Mostly Cs- a Pinky Poinker realist!

PS: I never b#tch about anyone at work, that was poetic licentiousness.