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Friday, April 1, 2016

Aggravating April Fool's Day Jokes

A is for Aggravating April Fool’s Day Jokes.
(Part of the A-Z Challenge)

Father and Daughter

We have my 14 year old step-daughter, Petal, staying with us for the first week of the school holidays. Unfortunately, her father (Scotto) has to work. That means it’s my job to provide the entertainment. 

I can’t just leave her sitting on the couch watching movies all day while I read trashy magazines and spend the day looking up miracle saint cures for loose teeth (Saint Apollonia, 250 AD, had her teeth violently ripped out of her mouth by some vicious, rowdy louts and is now the patron saint of loose teeth in case you’re interested) as well as intermittent searching for cheap solar powered, vibrating ‘snake repellers’ on the internet … can I?

There’s a three kilometre hike down to a waterfall just up the road and it occurred to me I could get off my bum and take Petal for a walk, you know, fresh air, sunshine and exercise.

But then it suddenly struck me that she might slip and fall down a steep and slippery cliff or even get lost forever in the heavy vegetation and her father would never forgive me. Especially since I’m an actual ‘step-mother’ and the waterfall is named, “Witches Falls”.

It just wouldn’t look good would it?


I thought of another ‘bonding’ activity though. Together we plotted a malicious prank to play on her father for April Fool’s Day . 

She’s going to stand in the hallway before he leaves for work and scream out that the toilet is overflowing and there is poo floating down the hallway. I don’t know what inspired that ingenious idea but it’s one of my best.

“What if I burst out laughing?” she asked with all the naivety of a well-brought up and ultra-polite child.

“Don’t you dare laugh,” I hissed evily. “You’ll give the game away, my sweet girl. We want to make him really believe there is actual human excrement drifting against the skirting boards.”


It’s going to ruin his entire morning. He hates stressful situations before 10 am. This will put him in a bad mood for the whole day. But he’ll be at work so I won’t have to put up with it.


I bloody hate it when people play jokes on me though.

My eldest son Thaddeus, texted me one April Fool’s day and said, “I’ve got a girl pregnant, what should I do?”
I spent forty-five minutes worrying about whether or not I was ready to be a grandmother or not.

I’d only just reconciled myself to the fact that I was indeed very ready, couldn’t wait for the (hopefully) attractive baby’s arrival and had decided the baby’s mother and I would be the best of friends and we would go for coffee and baby clothing buying expeditions together, when the little shit of a son eventually texted, “Jokes!”

Can you imagine my bitter disappointment?

It’s not fun when you’re on the receiving end but God it’s hilarious when you punk someone else.

Wish me luck.

Anyway, I know this is going to annoy some people but I signed up for an A to Z blog challenge and will be posting every day in April.

Please don’t feel compelled to comment, like or even acknowledge you’ve noticed anything appear on your timelines.

Just pretend you haven’t seen it.

Blank me.

P.S: This is not an April Fool’s day joke. I’m actually doing it. For today anyway. I might get sick of it. You know how fickle, capricious, wayward and whimsical I can be. *

* I know those words all mean the same thing.

P.P.S.: We managed to pull off the prank! Scotto fell for it hook, line and floater.