Pinky's Book Link

Sunday, September 22, 2013

I don't want to offend anyone but...

Pinky and Magenta

You’ve never met Magenta have you? I mean on my blog… I’ve never introduced you have I?

You’re fortunate to have dodged her for this long for you see Magenta is an evil, intimidating b#tch.

She’s the one who sits on my shoulder as I peer into the mirror.

“Look at your over-plucked eyebrows and your crow’s feet, Pinky,” she’ll cackle cruelly. “You’re an OLD invisible woman.”

She’s the one who insists I’m a fat, unattractive slug not fit to set foot outside the door. She criticises my fashion sense and social skills.

Magenta harps on endlessly about what a bad mother I am and how I don’t deserve to be loved by anyone. 

I really hope you don’t know any Magentas.

Nasty Magenta stopped by this morning as I read through some blogs I’d found on the Internet.

“Well, well, well,” she chortled into my ear. “Seems as though Pinky’s been left out of the party again! All of these bloggers, all leaving comments on each other’s sites, but no one likes Pinky! Just like high school huh?”

“Shut your mouth, Magenta. No one asked you for your bloody opinion!”

I have to admit though, when I stumbled upon this little site I almost internally disintegrated. A Huge Blog (I had to remove this link because I just recieved over 1000 spam comments... I'm not kidding!) The Bloggess with over 900 comments on one post??? Kill me now.

“Why are you even wasting your time writing this crap!” Magenta screeched as I noticed on my blog statistics that Scotto’s guest post…The Great Driving Test Debate is the third highest visited since I began my ‘Writing’ odyssey with 596 page views. It runs a close third to One More Sleep Until the Eeta Bunny (658) and Failed Fashion Victim in the Eighties (606).

“I wouldn’t be asking Scotto to write on your blog again, Pinky,” she growled, “Looks like anyone can show you up!”

But why? Why? Why? Why? What am I doing wrong in my writing?

Do I really suck that much?

Am I too wishy washy?

Too middle of the road?

Too AFRAID I’ll offend people?

Perhaps I need to be a bit more controversial… a bit more 

So here are some contentious opinions I’m hoping will stir up the fire in your non-commenting bellies.

“Don’t tell me you’re finally going to use a bit of gumption?” scoffs Magenta.

“Shut up, b#tch! I can be provocative just you wait!”

#Reality television is stupid
(except for Bondi Vet which has cute animals). 
Big Brother is the opiate of the brainless. 
Okay … maybe not brainless. Maybe the audience is just a bit bored? Really… I suppose it’s not all that bad. People do have a right to watch whatever they want don’t they? It’s just my silly opinion okay?

#I don’t love Pink…I like her, but I don’t love her. 
Shite! This has just alienated at least ten of my friends I just know it. Sorry… like I know she’s fantastic and everything… sorry guys :) I mean it… she’s a legend okay, I just have no taste :)

#Dogs are ABSOLUTELY better than cats. 
Of course if you are a cat and you follow me on Twitter when I say this I actually mean that they’re better at being a bit dim-witted. Please don’t hit that unfollow button… please.

#The Eagles are the most irritating band to ever walk the Earth. 
Although I do know every word to Hotel California so I guess they’re not all that bad…

#People should have to do an IQ test before they’re allowed to give their kids names as ridiculous as Goitre and Clavicle. 
Although I suppose everyone has the right to express their individuality as they see fit.

“Wow Pinky! You’re really putting the cat amongst the pigeons here. This is sooo polemic. The trolls are going to have a great time with you… hahaha,” sarcastic laughter from the ghoul on my shoulder.

“Get stuffed, Magenta! One day I’ll do it… one day.”