Pinky's Book Link

Thursday, September 19, 2013

Pinky the Big Fat Cheat!

Way back in the Pleistocene era (when kids played with plasticine instead of IPods), my cupboards and bookcases were stuffed to overflowing with files, folders and yellowed photocopies.

Now I just have these… 

                         Note the one centre-front... very sad.

a congregation of mystery sticks containing God knows what.

Nestled in messy drawers and secreted in my handbag zip pockets along with runaway Nicorettes and Panadol tablets, my USB sticks have been silently procreating over the last nine years.

I’ve stored the contents of one memory stick onto a newer USB stick and the contents of that USB stick onto a third and so forth and so forth…

Whilst hopelessly scanning the contents of my little family of flash drives recently, I happened upon a file that brought a shameful grin to my sinful face.

Several years ago Scotto and I were addicted to nightly reruns of the U.S. quiz show, Jeopardy on cable TV.

We’d keep a point tally of our correctly answered questions but the problem was, Scotto has quite a vast knowledge of Pop Culture (having watched every episode of The Simpsons for the last twenty years) and the verbal response skills of a Ninja... so bad-sport Pinky usually lost the game by miles.

Fiercely competitive Pinky formulated a plan to bring the trivia-savvy Scotto to his knees. It was my Jeopardy Study Plan I found on my archaic USB stick; all the world capitals, a list of all the American Presidents, and similar tedious trifles.

Sadly, despite intensive swotting, my point score failed to improve UNTIL… one fortuitous day I stumbled across a site called J!Archives

By deviously searching the names of the contestants from the previous night’s episode I was suddenly and illegally in possession of the upcoming night’s quiz.

“I’m feeling a bit tired tonight… don’t think I’ll be very quick of the mark…” I lied through my teeth attempting to conceal my cocky confidence that evening as we prepared for our ‘friendly’ battle to the death.

“I have to hand it to you, Pinky,” raved an awestruck Scotto when the show finished after I’d thrashed him 78-nil, “You were FANTASTIC!”

“Thanks!” I beamed with feigned humility.

“Seriously Pinky!” he continued to gush. “I’m REALLY impressed! You knew EVERY SINGLE question!”

I sat penitently for about five minutes, a guilty ball of remorse swelling inside me until it suddenly exploded.

“I CHEATED!” I screamed. “I found the answers on the Internet! Are you happy? You’re still smarter than me!”

So anyway… what should I do with all these USB sticks?

Earrings perhaps?