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Tuesday, July 30, 2013

Stomach Upset! Oxygen Debt! I can beat the Nicorette!

Scotto and I were watching the ‘Slasher Porn’ movie, “The Evil Dead” the other day when I hurriedly excused myself and absconded to the kitchen in fear, under the flimsy guise of doing the washing up. 

The movie tells the story of a group of unknowing young people staying in a remote cabin ominously haunted by a viciously evil entity. One of the girls is a tormented drug addict and is attempting to go cold turkey with her friends to help her get through the withdrawal symptoms.

Inevitably, the cabin is flooded in, and the menacing entity assumes the form of what can only be described as a disturbing black pudding. 

The black pudding then violently enters the distressed drug addict via one of her bodily orifices (and it wasn’t her mouth, nose or earhole) thus escalating her withdrawal symptoms to unbelievably unpleasant proportions.

However ridiculously bloodthirsty the movie was, it caused me to stop and have a good think about my own addictions.

“Which addiction would that be, Pinky?” I hear you shriek in hilarity.

Well… all those shareholders in Chardonnay manufacturing can relax because I’m not thinking of giving up the booze, yet.

“Blogging!” You’re thinking hopefully. “She’s going to shut down her obsessive blogging so we won’t have to put up with her on Facebook and Twitter anymore! Yippee!”

Sorry guys, I have a few more posts left in me yet.

What I desperately need to give up is my twelve year addiction to Nicorette chewing gum.

Whilst the maximum recommended daily intake is about six hits a day, Pinky has been gnawing away like a manic squirrel at about fifteen gums a day over many years.

My over-extended love affair with Nicotine is coming to an end. 

I’m sick of dropping them between my legs in the car and finding them melted all over my bottom and the car seat an hour later. I’m tired of feeling my heart bursting out of my chest because of the overload of nicotine in my system. I feel guilty when I find my Fox Terrier, Celine, buzzing around on a high chewing away on a dropped Nicorette she found on the floor and frankly, a lot of the time they make me feel sick... just like cigarettes.

Wish me luck to fight the evil substance as I’ve heard Nicotine eats into the grey matter in your brain and as you know I don’t have a hell of a lot of grey matter to lose.